Y'know, guyz and galz, we're desperately overdue for some changes to our choice of lingo. I mean, check it: We CONSTANTLY harp about the Masquerade, Masquerade, Masquerade... We've this overwhelming fear that others will hear us playing our perfectly legal game, and get the idea that we think we're REAL monsters. Next stop: Looney bin! But at the same time we've conditioned ourselves to use some seriously weird, interest-magnetic conversational turns. Ever heard some new kid getting bitched out for discussing her Blood Bound ghoul in a public setting? Of course you have. And sure, you and I know that she's just a college student working on a drama project. But what'z that guy in the next booth thinking? Now, one sellout solution might come in the form of some brown-nosed plea to the effect of "Well, it's not MY fault if you can't control your language in public." Yeah, yeah, yeah. How sweet. The problem with that excuse being: Once the crazy stake-slinger's attention is aroused, what'z it MATTER whose fault it is? Fact is, we've trained Li'l Loudmouth to speak in such terms. And we could have minimized the damage, if we'd only handled her differently from Day One. (Or him. Ladies, PLEASE don't think this is some subtle attack against our female students. While reverse sexism disgusts me, I've gotta confess... this really does seem to be a problem more often experienced by males. We're loudmouths. It's in our genes.) So anyway, what say we just bite the bullet and correct our language, already? If all this self-righteous yap I keep hearing about the Masquerade is even HALF-serious, I like to hope that the idea will receive unanimous support. Below are some suggestions for said corrections. None are meant to be offensive to Clampett Clan, Generation X or whatever else. And certainly none are carved in stone. But hey, give them some thought. Correct any as you see fit. Hash it out, guys! And let's see what happens next! (Oh, by the way... Many of the commonly used terms have been altered a little, coz this list can be publicly accessed and whatnot. If any of the terms confuse ya... which they shouldn't... just ask for clarification, and it will surely be yours.) Aggravated -- Really upset, usually after getting a BIG OUCHIE. Anarchists -- Libertarians. Any Cilla -- Middle Management. Animalism -- Beastiality. A sad thing, to be shunned and reported to the S.P.C.A. Anti Dilution -- Elvis. Arched One -- Legbreaker. Aussie Pecs -- A delight to the SENSES. Beastial Trey -- One particularly notorious player, so named because of his numerous CHARACTER FLAWS. Blood Bond -- An agreement between street gangsters, oddly enough started by the Crips. But if we're determined to incorporate real life experience into our perfectly innocent little collegiate game, why don't we just call this a CRUSH? Blood Hunt -- What pissed off Crips do when they develop a SERIOUS GRUDGE. Boon -- Favor. Bru Ha Ha!!! -- A violent scene, often involving the local PUNK crowd. Cay Tiffe -- A waterfront location popular among LONELY GUYS. Cam -- Republicans. Cane -- Something the MAJORITY SHAREHOLDER uses to assist in walking. Celery -- A good energy provider. Really good for SPEED. Child -- Clueless. Coffin -- Where you go when you die. In the meantime, try a BED. Cold Terri -- A delightful young lady with a most impressive POSSE. Diabolic Larry -- Another player to watch out for. A real BACKSTABBER. Discipline -- Something everyone should have. Lets you learn NEAT TRICKS. Domain -- An ancient, really noticeable term for "turf." Dominant -- Someone who enjoys POWER TRIPS. Elder -- Old. Embrace -- Hug, a warm and friendly way to let someone know he's HIRED. Eel Easy Yum! -- A tasty dish, to be enjoyed in the privacy of our HANGOUT. Fortitude -- Fortitude. Or endurance. No biggie, here. Gang Real -- A recent answer to street violence; a gang of GRANOLA EATERS. Gah-ROOvy! -- A common term used by that punk band, STRAY DOGS. Generation X -- A health-conscious gang, always concerned about today's CIGARETTE COUNT, hint hint. "So what's YOUR cigarette count?" "Mine? Why, eight! What's YOURS?" "Gee, I'm already up to 13." "Aw, that's too bad. You might wanna avoid having children until you get that under control." "But of course! Why do you think I invited YOU to my pad?" "Please put down that axe..." Geo (as in Metro) Van -- I hear the ITALIANS are producing this line of vehicles... Ghoulish -- Someone with an overdeveloped fixation on death. Frequent among BUTLERS, MAIDS, GARDENERS, BODYGUARDS, etc. Harpist -- An excellent musician, albiet something of a CRITIC where others are concerned. Haven -- Home, already. I mean, come on. Home. House. Pad. Apartment. Get real. Herd -- The mentality most often demonstrated by GROUPIES. Hold the Water -- Pass the BATTERY ACID. Incontinent -- FUCKING old. (Incontinence should be forgiven; it ain't their fault.) Inquisition -- Another reminder that you've History homework to do. Check out Spain. And be sure to double-check that last essay question before settling in to watch a TARANTINO WANNABE movie or something. Hint freaking hint. Just a Car -- Big Brother. Keeper of Eels -- Host(ess). Malky -- Weirdo. Masquerade -- Masquerade. Or Drama Class homework, just so they KNOW what this is all really about. I'm frankly sick of answering confused cops' confusing questions. Methuseleh -- That Bible guy that our History prof has demanded we include in this. Neon Atlas -- New kid. Noxious Ferrari -- Photogenically Challenged. O.B. Frisky -- A SNEAKY guy, that O.B. Yep. Really SNEAKY. Potent -- Sexually smug. Or just plain BUFF. Presents -- A sure way to gain POPULARITY. Prim Old Gents -- The Board of Directors. Prince -- That weird rock star who keeps changing his name. Pro Team -- Stupid Human Tricks. Sab -- Democrats. Seneschal -- Seneschal. It's an S.C.A. thing. Have the address of their local shire handy. Sheriff -- Campus (or wherever) security. Sire -- Dad, already. Or Mom. Or supervisor. Thumb o' Turkey -- A nifty PARLOR TRICK. Tori Amos -- An artsy kinda gal. Torpor -- Coma. Traditions -- Rules. Trey Miere -- Some librarian I recently met. Said he'd like to play. Venture -- Take a trip. Don't forget your SUIT. Vittle -- Grub. Chow. Calories. Whip -- Flunky. Wraith -- Gee, I dunno... Ghost? "The Player to be Named Later"