o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o DISCLAIMER: I am in no way trying to comment on who should get with who, and who shouldn't get with who. Well, at some parts I am, but those should be fairly obvious. I'm not trying to imply anything, or say anything, it's all one big happy joke. Yay. o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o Malkrose Place, episode 1. the Pilot. Bereanda drove up to the apartment complex in her cherry red Porsche. She emerged from the car, incredibly gorgeous, blonde (red?) hair flowing a little past her shoulders, wearing a miniskirted power suit. She got out of the car, her long legs sliding out smoothly, and walked towards the apartment complex. Amhoroso was working on his motorcycle, and looked up at Bereanda. Their eyes met, and sparks immediately flew, but Bereanda didn't have time for cheap bikers... she had power lunches to go to. "Hey, babe... want to take a ride sometime?" he asked with a sort of deadpan banality. Bereanda looked at him disdainfully. "With you? I'd rather break chew glass." With that, she walked off, and gritted her teeth as she heard Amhoroso chuckling behind her. * * * Cliopatra and Delilah bounced on Del's bed in their nice, comfortable little two bedroom apartment. "Wow, Cliopatra, I'm so glad that we were able to get this beautiful, luxury apartment for so cheap, considering we're two, nice, twentysomething girls trying to make our way in the world!" Delilah exclaimed. "Yeah, Delilah, it's great! Who'd have thought that my waitressing job and your piddling wages as a beginning clothes designer could afford such a great place?" Cliopatra replied. "We're both going to be rich someday, Clio! I'll be a famous clothes designer, and you'll be a famous... waitress!" Del exclaimed excitedly. "I don't want to be a famous waitress! I want to be a famous actress, and work on Broadway, even though we're in Southern California." "Oh, Cliopatra, I'm so glad you're my best friend!" Del exclaimed, hugging Clio. "And I'm glad you're mine, Delilah! Let's not let anything ever tear us apart!" "Of course not! How about we go for a swim, for no apparent reason?" Cliopatra smiled. "Sure!" * * * Badgery rang the doorbell to Allimoon's apartment with a newspaper in his hand. His lithe, manly frame dominated the door as she opened it. "Hello?" she said, looking at him curiously. "Hello... I'm here about the advertisement for a roommate?" he said with an irresistible New Zealand accent. Moon was immediately taken aback. "R-roommate?" she said, running a hand through silky red hair. Badgery smiled a sexy little half smile. "That is what the advertisement says... do I have the wrong flat? This is 42 Malkrose Place, Apartment 2B, isn't it?" "Well, yes, yes it is... but I was sort of expecting a woman." "A woman? But why?" Badgery grinned lledly. "Well... I don't know if it's proper..." Allimoon protested weakly, swept away by Badgery's manly charms. "I promise, I'll behave as the perfect gentleman. I'm a struggling writer from New Zealand, and will be concentrating on getting published and the zany jobs I will accept in order to make ends meet until then." Allimoon thought on this. "Well, all right then, we'll give it a try." Badgery grinned. "Great! Do you have any coffee or beer?" Allimoon smiled. "Sure! I can tell already that we'll be best friends." * * * Hazelandra lit up another Newport Extra Heavy as she looked around the biker bar. She pushed back a lock of raven black hair, and observed the room with mild disgust. "Damned fools," she said in a husky Southern accent. "Buncha damned wimps." A waitress approached her, offering her another beer, and Hazelandra just looked at her. The waitress backed away, and as she did so, Hazel casually set the woman's skirt on fire. She leaned forward with a sigh. "Damned if I can think of anything to do around here." Just then, the door to the bar opened, and two bodies flew threw it, one with a large dent in the head from what looked to be a lead pipe, the other with a plastic baseball bat protruding from the chest. Alik entered the club with a look of mild disgust that was frighteningly similar to Hazelandra's... "Looks like things around here are about to get a little more interesting..." Hazel smiled and took a drink of her beer. * * * Alex D. sat in his apartment, Petey seated across from him, reading the script. He stood up so fast Petey blinked in surprise. "WHAT THE HELL?? DELIGHT!" Delight ran in, dressed in a plush bathrobe, her hair in curlers. "What? What?" She asked, make-up people following her into the apartment, coming from the closet and bedroom. "Why the hell am *I* the token gay guy who never gets any play??" he shouted. "I'm sorry, Alex... would you rather be the token gay guy who gets lots of play?" Del asked politely. "Ook." Petey said, seeming amused. "Quiet, you," Alex shot at Petey before turning back to Del. "NO! that's NOT what I meant! I don't want to be the gay guy!" "But Alex, I wanted you to be in the story, and there was no room for a cynical little man in a nighttime soap opera parody!" Del exclaimed as the make-up people tousled her hair and fixed her eyeshadow. "AUGH!" Alex cried. "Now Alex, behave yourself. This is my story, so you can't win this argument, seeing as in my happy little world, you can't argue as well as you do on irc. Now I have to go do the pool scene, so I have to get my Mask of 1000 faces down pat." With that, she kissed his nose and scampered out, her retinue of hair and make-up people following. * * * The Ticktockhunk emerged from his apartment shirtless, carrying orange vodka and orange juice, exposing his everdourly manly pectorals. He bent over to retrieve the newspaper from the stoop, and squinted as he looked at the weather forecast. "GreaT. More suN." he deadpanned everdourly. He walked over to the patio/lounge area next to the huge swimming pool. "i still can't fathom why a doctor like myself would be living in an apartment with the rest of these deadbeats, even if they are luxury for cheaP," he said to himself. Just then, Delilah and Cliopatra emerged from their apartment, both extremely svelt and attractive. They each flipped their respective hair, and wore bathing suits that were cut in just enough places to hint heavily at naughty bits, but covering enough to placate the censors. Their eyes fell on the Ticktockhunk at the exact same time, and they both sashayed over to him, nudging each other on the way. "Good afternoon, ladieS." the Ticktockhunk greeted everdourly. "Well, hello there," they purred in synchronicity, then glared at each other. "I'm Delilah," said Del, and offered him her hand, which he shook everdourly. Clio pushed her neatly out of the way quickly, and then offered him her own hand, which he gave the same treatment. "I'm Cliopatra," she said with a smile. "i'm the TicktockhunK," he said to both of them. Del smiled smoothly. "The name suits you. So are you new here, like us?" she asked. "Actually, i've lived here for about two years noW. i manage the place when EreblakE isn't around." Tick replied. "Neat... so do you want to take a dip in the pool with me?" Clio asked. Del elbowed her. "Or you could come back to my place for drinks..." Del smiled. the Ticktockhunk shook his head everdourly. "Sorry, ladies, I have to go and get ready, I'm on call todaY." He rose and collected his vodka, juice, and newspaper. "On call?" Clio asked. "YeS. i'm a neurosurgeon at MalkshirE MemoriaL MedicaL CenteR." "Wow..." Del said, "And you drink before you go on call?" "It's the only way to get me through the dialogue and blatant meat marketing of this scripT." he replied everdourly. "Ahhh... well, nice to meet you, Dr. Ticktockhunk!" Clio said. "Yeah, nice to meet you, Doctor!" Delilah echoed. "Have a good day, Delilah, Cliopatra." He nodded to them each, and then reentered his apartment. Del and Clio looked at each other and squealed, "A DOCTOR!" o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o