My Heater Is Squeaking In Verse.  
By *something* the Impulsively Infinitely Benevolent <badger@nwlink.com>

*ahem*

If I had a carpet
I'd put it on the ceiling
So I could watch my snails (nails?)
On the floorboards.

This is NOT HAIKU.

Why does everybody look at me?
Is it the hat?
Is it the shoes?
Is it the bloody burlap bag over my shoulder?
When will my cow eyes come home?

But back to the subject at hand (foot)...

My heater is squeaking. 
It's a happy heater.
But it squeaks.
Does it want to go outside?
Does it want a drink of water?
Does it want to ride in the bloody burlap bag?
I don't have a bloody burlap bag.
I'm sorry, squeaking heater.

I lied.

Twice.

Or maybe more.

(applause)