>>From: Derek Kupper >>John B Westcott wrote: >>> > "Okay, let me see if I understand Garou social structure. An >>> >Ahroun, a >>> >Theurge, a Ragabash and a Philodox are sitting in a room. The light >>> >bulb >>> >burns out. The Ahroun directs a meaningful stare at the Theurge, >>> >expecting him to fix it. The Theurge ignores him, continuing to >>> >meditate. The Ragabash makes jokes about how brave they all are, to >>> >sit >>> >in the dark like that. Finally, the Philodox rolls his eyes, heaves a >>> >sigh, and gets up to replace the bulb." >>> > Howaya >>> >Metu >>> > >>> >(kitsune) >>Okay, you asked for it . . . my absolutely incomplete list of WoD light >>bulb jokes. Sorry, but it had to be done . . . Made some of these up, >>got some off the web (Malk web page, mostly). >> >>How many _ does it take to change a light bulb? >> >>Brujah: >> "Changing light bulbs is part of the capitalist, neo-nazi, >>oppression of the people! I refuse to change it." >> "Ouch. Who put a wall there?" >> >>Gangrel: >> Only one, but if he's using protean, he's munchkin. >>or: >> "What's a light bulb? A new tree?" >> >>Malkavians: >> 200 - One to hold the light bulb, and 199 to rotate the house to >>screw it in. >>or: >> "It's MY bulb! I took it, it spoke to me, and it's MINE!" >>or: >> "Which one?" >>or: >> Just one, but the bulb might refuse to shine afterwards. >>or: >> Just one, but it will be put in sideways. >>or: >> (Word Eater was here) >> >>Nosferatu: >> None - They already know everything, why do they need light? >> >>Toreador: >> One Artiste to put it in and two Poseurs to critique the >>performance. >>or: >> None - A burned out light bulb is clearly great art. >> >>Tremere: >> Six - One to notice the light bulb is broken, one to tell the >>Chantry head, one to conjure a new bulb, one >> to levitate the old one out, one to levitate the new one in, and >>one to dominate the old one into forgetting it >> ever happened. >>or: >> None - "You will change my light bulb. . .", "I will change your >>light bulb. . . ." "You will forget you >> ever saw me . . .", "I will forget I ever saw you . . . " >> >>Ventrue: >> None - They have flunkies for that sort of thing. >>or: >> Just one, but they have to have a board meeting and attain a >>quorum first. >> >>Salubri: >> Two - One to heal the old bulb, and one to watch the door for >>Tremere. >> >>Children of Osiris: >> Two - One to change the light bulb, and one to cleanse the first >>of its sins. >> >>Giovanni: >> Three - One to put it in, and two to summon and control the >>spirit of the old one. >>or: >> Just one, but they have to find a bulb that was related to the >>original. >> >>Samedi: >> Four - One to rot the old one out, one to put the new one in, and >>two to summon and control the spirit of >> the old one. >> >>Daughters of Cacophony: >> Two - One to blast the old one out of its socket, and one to put >>the new one in. >> >>Gargoyle: >> "Touch this light bulb, and you die." >> >>Ravnos: >> "Light bulb? What light bulb?" >> >>Setites: >> "We prefer the dark, but if you really want it changed, we have >>just the bulb for you . . . for a price." >> >>Assamite: >> One, if the price is right. >> >>Tzimisce: >> Only one, but he has to sleep with the old one every night. >> >>Lasombra: >> "Oh, we don't need to change the old one, it's just been >>shrouded." >> >>And, now for some non-Vampire folks - >> >>Hunters: >> One, if he has faith that the bulb WILL be changed. >> >>Arcanum: >> None - they just study the process of burning out. They don't do >>anything about it. >> >>Mummies: >> None - It will be reborn in a few hundred years, anyway. >> >>Gypsies: >> "What light bulb? Talk to that Ravnos over there." >> >>Lupines: >> Two - One to put it in, and one to go out and kill something to >>celebrate the rite of bulb changing. >>or: >> Just one, but he has to defeat all the other fuzzies who want to >>do it first. >>or: >> Just one, but all the tribes have to fight about which one gets >>to do it. >>or: >> "What's a light bulb?" >>or: >> "Light bulbs are the spawn of the Wyrm! How dare you ask me . . . >>". >>or: >> Two - One to change it, and a Gaillard to write a song >>exaggerating the legendary task. >>or: >> Two - One to change it, and a Gaillard to write a song honoring >>the old bulb. >>or: >> Just one, but they'll never get it changed in time. >>or: >> None - The burned out bulb reminds them of Gaia's plight, and >>they'd all rage and destroy each other >> before they could get around to doing it. >> >>Sam Haight: >> One, but only if he can get a lupine skin. >> >>Mages: >> 500 - One to transmute the bulb into a new one, and 499 to deal >>with the paradox spirits. >> >>Wraiths: >> One, but you have to smash the bulb first. >> >>Changelings: >> One, but the new one will make funny colored lights. >> >>Sorry, but it had to be done (with apologies to the folks on Vamp-l who >>didn't expect it . . . ) >> >>Paradox >>aka ash.elf@mail.utexas.edu