What if Kindred played Baseball? by Mr Badger. "Welcome here on this beautiful day for this final match of the Pendant 96. I'm Very Smug and in the studio with me is Slightly Aggressive. Today only we will be getting on the ground reports by our special guest Annoyingly Eager," said Very. "Thank you Very, and I'd just like to say how eager I am and indeed very happy I am to be here tonight with you all. I've been bouncing around like a madman all evening waiting for the first pitch. If only I had more then one life to give for the sport I'd be a happier person indeed and on the subject..........," shouted Eager. "......Thank you for that you hyperactive little maggot. Let's meet the teams. Tonight the match will be between the Malkavian Fluffy Bunny slippers and the Toreador White Frilled Socks with Red Velvet Spats. A grudge match to be sure," interrupted Slightly. "As always, Slightly, there's a funny story to go with this one. The Malkavians have won every home match this season, and the Judgement board has only just found out how. It seems the Malkavians have been obfuscating their Stadium before each match. As such the opposite team has no way of finding it and the Malkavians win by default. A cunning plan but it didn't work tonight," explained Very. "Yes, little did the Madmen realise but the Toreador WFSRVS have more Auspex then a certain Red Nosed Raindeer. They found the stadium in a record three days, seven hours and thirty nine minutes. The Malkavian camp wasn't happy, but them's the breaks in the big city," replied Slightly. "This will be the most exciting game since the Setite vs Ventrue white wash of '95. I still think someone should have told those snakes they'd be playing under spotlights and running in those head-dresses; were they mad?" said Very. "There'll be no problem with that this evening, Very, as the team doctors have confirmed that not only are half the players are certifiably insane but half the fans as well. It's good to see that the Sabbat fans are back in the stadium. Haven't seen their like since the famous Sabbat team meets the Girl Scout jamboree incident of '94. The Sabbat team is well represented in the Malkavian team as well with the inclusion of a Mr Badger and a Mr dOe in tonight's line up. Mr Badger is still batting a 100% fatality record these season as he hasn't failed to kill a person this year, be it a player or fan. Come to think of it, we haven't heard from our team interviewer since we sent him down to the changing rooms the last time the Malkavians played," said Slightly. "That would be the match vs the Tremere Pointy Black Hats wouldn't it?" asked Very. "That's the one Slightly. Seems the Tremere are still cleaning up after the Malkavian's victory last month. The Stadium was overflowing with rubber bands and empty Rum bottles. Also the diamond was awash with garden implements. The team owner, a Mr Erehwon, apologised for the disturbance but commented that 'They should have given us the fish then, shouldn't they'. I don't know what to make of that, but it had the Tremere signing up for insurance. The Malkavians have certainly made an impression at every stadium they've played in. Generally a man shaped impression courtesy of Mr Badger," said Very. "A kind old soul is Mr Badger, never afraid of taking a few minutes out of his busy schedule and giving the Creation Rites (tm) to a passerby. Rumours have it that Mr Badger is just a big softie and has to use make up to give us that gruff, hard image the fans love so much," said Slightly. "If our interviewer let slip with that in front of him last match it's no wonder he went missing straight afterward. The Toreador team is just plain boring so we'll forget about them and get on with the game!" said Very. "Yes and first up the Malkavians are batting. It's ME up at the plate, ready for action and let me say how thankful I am to be here talking to you all tonight. The pitch is made she swings and YES it's a high one, players are scattering all over the park looking for it but wait! She's not running! What's going on? Wait a minute, another player is coming up to the plate. He's thrown something, he's thrown a handful of coins onto the diamond. ME's seen the coins and is running after them to first base shouting........shouting 'shinnies' or something. She's safe!" shouted Annoyingly. "I'm not sure if that is a legal play, but it worked. The Umpire is warning the Fluffy Bunny Slippers that they won't get away with that again," replied Very. "Back to the game, and let me say how glad I am that I'm here today, and it's Mr Badger next up to the plate. The pitcher winds up, the pitch is made and smack he hits it with a vengeance, hang on that's not a bat, he seems to have used a spade. Oh well, whatever works. He's off and running to first base. ME has seen him and is running to home shouting 'ooh fuzzies' she's safe and Mr Badger is still running. The ball is coming down and there's a player underneath it. Wait a minute, the ball has fallen past the moon and yet the Toreadors are still looking up. The ball is on the ground and still no movement from the Toreador White Frilled Socks with Red Velvet Spats. Mr Badger is home and safe and yet the fielders stand there like wax dummies. I don't know about you two, but this is a perfect opportunity for a commercial break," said Annoyingly. "Well said, you irritating little worm, and we'll be back after this message from our Blackmailers," replied Slightly. "Welcome back to this enthralling match between the Malkavian Fluffy Bunny Slippers and the Toreador White Frilled Socks with Red Velvet Spats. The Toreador have broken out of the fugue they were in and are having a team meeting in the middle of the diamond. They have finished and are talking to the field officials. It seems they are demanding a name change. Yes it seems that White Frilled Socks with Red Velvet Spats is no longer the height of fashion and the team demands to be called the Flared Neon Green Jodhpurs. The crowd doesn't like this at all. Some of the Toreador fans are walking out crying that they weren't consulted and won't sit here looking so yesterday. The Malkavian fans are trying to do the Mexican wave with the added challenge of juggling fish. I'm glad to say I was here to see this today and especially glad to be able to bring it to you viewers at home. What a spectacle we have before us. The officials have spoken and yes the Malkavians are been declared the winners of this match due to the Toreadors being an eyesore. What a day for the insane of this world. Soon the prize giving will be held and before I go I would just like to say what a pleasure it was being part of this event today," drooled Annoyingly. "Thank you for that, I think. For the viewers' information, the prize giving will be different from other years. As you know, the Tremere Pointy Black Hats have won the championship for the past seven years running. As such, the two teams that were here today have decided that the pendant is probably so tainted by evil that the winner gets to avoid the whole thing all together and it's the loser that takes home the Pendant. I'm Very Smug, beside me is Slightly Aggressive and this has been another KNN sports production," finished Very.