Ahoy mateys, are ye ready for another parody!? This be from the 
"Pirates of Penzance", it being "I am the Very Model of a Modern 
Major-General" ARRRjoy, ye barnacles!
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        "I am the Very Model of an Ancient Sucking Vampyre"
                
        from "The Pirates of Translyvania", By: Santiago, 1996
        
VAMPYRE:        
    I am the very model of an ancient sucking Vampyre,
    I've transfomation, fangy teeth, and a slightly older sire,
    I've known Cro-magnon of Pangea, and I fought with barbarians
    From Hun to Fionn, ask any good librarian;
    I'm well acquainted, too, with matters more political,
    I understand back stabbing, both simple and cyclical,
    About the polls of them, I'm full with ancient witticisms,
    With many cheerful facts about opponents and their fetishes.
    
GHOUL CHORUS:
    With many cheerful facts about opponents and their fetishes.
    With many cheerful facts about opponents and their fetishes.
    With many cheerful facts about opponents and their fetishes.
    
VAMPYRE:       
    I'm good at bat and wolf transmogrify,
    I know how many ways that I can almost never die:
    In short, in matters mortal, magical, very dire,
    I am the very model of an ancient sucking Vampyre.
    
GHOUL CHORUS:
    In short, in matters mortal, magical, very dire,
    He is the very model of an ancient sucking Vampyre.
    
VAMPYRE:
    I'm part of our mythic history, King Arthur's and Count Dracula;
    I answer hard historics, I'm very practised at saying "Blahh!",
    I can fly north-north-west, nary looking at the map,
    As a wolf I can mark territory with my crap;
    I can feel the temprature of warm blood at ten little paces,
    I know five different fang-showing horrid faces.
    I can cause a mans heart to stop with but a glance,
    If only he's not got garlic in his pants.
    
GHOUL CHORUS:
    If only he's not got garlic in his pants.
    If only he's not got garlic in his pants.
    If only he's not got garlic in his pants.

VAMPYRE:
    In fact when I can bear the sun or cross,
    When you'll sit and say "You're the boss",
    When I don't die at the end of the movie script,
    And when I can avoid actors like Brad Pitt,
    When I have learnt the difference between AB and O,
    When I avoid the diseases of those common ho's,
    In short, when I've a smattering of common sense,
    I'll be a Vampyre with no mortal/magic life defence.    
        
GHOUL CHORUS:
    He'll be a Vampyre with no mortal/magic life defence.
    He'll be a Vampyre with no mortal/magic life defence.
    He'll be a Vampyre with no mortal/magic life defence.

VAMPYRE:
    For all vast knowledge, though stronger than ten strong men,
    I'm incapable of getting out of bed 'fore ten;
    But still, in matters mortal, magical, very dire,
    I am the very model of an ancient sucking Vampyre.           

GHOUL CHORUS:
    But still, in matters mortal, magical, very dire,
    He is the very model of an ancient sucking Vampyre!    


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    "Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum 
     saxum immane mittam"                            
                    "wisdom of Santiago:Latin Verse"                   
         http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/4268/