This is a song by Mistress Liver (That's Me!)

The Malkavian Song
(sung sorta to Sit On my Face by Monty Python)

Oh!  I wish I were Malkavian!
So I could be a Malkie all the tiiiiii-ime!
I like to be a psychopath,
Cutting your pets in half,
And drinking their blood with a twist of liiiiiiiiime!

Oh, I'm glad I'm not a Brujah,
All they do is say they're really tou-ough!
I'd rather have fun with true anarchy,
The way things are s'posed to be,
And maybe drink up the kids on a school buuuuuuuuuus!

Oh, I'm glad I'm not a Ventrue (icky-poo!)
'Cause then I'd have to kiss a Ventrue buuuuu-ut!
Why should I have a stick up my ass,
That I can never pass,
With a nice sticky "GLUUUUUUUUUUUT!"

Oh, I'm so glad I'm Malkavian,
Instead of a Tremere (those pooooooo-sers!)
Blood's more fun when liquified,
Not boiled before your eyes,
'Cause then you can't click kineys and say 'CHEEEEEEEEERS!"

I'm really glad I'm not a boring Gangrel,
'Cause I'm really seriously, majorly allergic to pollen no matter what   
   all those other vampyres say 'cause I can still get all swollen up    
   and puuuuuuuuus-filled!
It's really gross and nasty-like
something, something, something,
Da da da da DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

I sorta like the Nosferatu,
It's really fun to watch 'em pop their ziiiiiii-its!
But I don't want to be-ee one,
They look like a stinky bun,
Covered with all of those big oozy pits!

Oh, I hate all of the Toreador!
MOstly 'cause they're crazier than I am!
WHo could think that junk is art?
(I think it's just a fart)
Now I can't think of a rhyyyyyyme!

Oh, I'm glad I'm a Malkavian!
'Cause I'm not a Gangrel or a Bruuuuu-jah!
Or any of those other clans
Stuck in the Justy's hands,
like some sort of buuuuuuuuug!

And so now...
Life will be fine if we all Malky-Time!
And we'll get here tomorrow today!
And we'll sing away!