Okay, we've seen how important henchmen are going to be to you budding young sociopaths, and so today we'll look at one of the other things you're going to need for people to take you seriously. What is it, you ask? Simple. Equipment. Now don't snigger, and enough with the "well, if you have the equipment, you wouldn't be so insecure as to have to impose your will on others" spiel. No, what I refer to are the toys and tools of the opressor of today. Again, we'll look at some of the most important groupings, in no particular order. 1. Transportation. Okay, now a dictator in a Lada is going to get mocked out of the game, and fair enough too. A would-be conquerer has to be seen in something that speaks of raw Masculinity. Even if it's a woman. Masculinity is all in a vehicle, whatever the type. For preference, you're going to want an aircraft, and we aren't talking about a Cessna here, we're looking for something special. Try a small cargo jet, but put guns on it, paint it back, and don't forget to paint flames on it. No flames, no kudos. This way, you can fly places with your bodyguards (including the ice bitch -- make sure there's a comfy chair for her or else she'll be grumpy) and possibly even the odd goon to bring you wine cooler during the flight. However, if you're just setting out, aircraft could well be out of your budget. (Some people have been known to attempt World Domination on $10 pocket money a week, although there have been no reported successes to date.) So you may have to look elsewhere. Another idea is a hovercraft, more correctly known as a GEV (Ground Effect Vehicle). Also, GEV sounds hellishly technical, and hovercraft doesn't. With one of these things, you're going to have a hard time getting around the carpark at the 7-11, but people are going to be scared of you. Especially beachgoers, as you can churn them into the sand, and run down surfers if you're particularly annoyed. For a GEV, the best thing to do for visual effect is to paint it black, with flames on the engine cowlings. Best to put some guns on it too. If you are to insist on ground-based transportation, make damn sure it's something imposing like a articulated tractor/trailer, preferably painted black and having flames on it. Try to put guns on it somewhere. Sports cars don't really work, as it's really hard to take a schoolroom full of hostages in a two-seater. However, a sports car does neatly fit into the back of said big truck. (WARNING: if you do this, avoid black leather pants with large belt-buckles, or else you may end up as an actor/singer 10 years down the road. This must be avoided at all costs.) Tanks are a vaguely popular choice, but they're a little hard to get a road permit for, and rarely, if ever, fit in the family garage. Intensive research suggests a compromise... The M93 Fox. These babies are just right. Made in Germany, lots of wheels, overpressured so they make a *whoosh* noise when you open the door, and quite imposing looking. Room for a small goon squad inside, too. These babies could almost look cool if painted green with the words "Mystery Machine" painted on them. Almost. And nothing else could come close.... However, we suggest that for maximum effect, you paint it black, with flames coming out of the wheelwells. Put a gun on it too. Or two -- what the hell, you deserve it. 2. Firepower. Okay, apart from the now gun-laden vehicles that are going to be mowing down innocent pedestrians faster than the drivers can stamp little 'kill' markers on the doors, you're going to need other guns. Lots of them. Preferably big ones. Without lots of guns, you'll just be a loudmouth in a silly suit. And we wouldn't want that. Now, first, personnel weapons. Guns. As has been pointed out, AK-47s for the goons, with something dinky like a G11 for your bodyguards, who are going to be judged by the rest of society on the basis of: a) their haircut, b) their hand-weapon, and c) their lack of vocabulary. However, it is perfectly acceptable for some of the guys, be they goon or otherwise, to carry the odd imposing Hand-Cannon. A nice big .50AE Desert Eagle or somesuch. Why? These monsters make lots of noise. Is there a better reason, I hear you ask? My reply is - does there need to be? Rocket launchers. Need we say more? You want lots of these -- they're going to miss whatever they're fired at, but they always hit something, and it's going to explode when that happens, so we recommend at least one of these per 10 goons. Preferably 1 per 5. Any more than that, and your goons forget to use the AK-47s, which are far cheaper, and miss their intended targets just as well as a rocket will. Okay, finally you're going to need a Doomsday weapon. This is what you'll be using to hold the world hostage, so make it big. You want neon coils, if they can be reasonably added. You want big generators, and a hole in the roof to fire it out of. One thing here -- try not to (and we know that it's hard to resist the temptation) have a reactor next to the weapon itself they're bound to either get blown up or melt down in some way, and a doomsday weapon that runs on 120 or 240V AC is not going to explode the moment it is told to 'abort firing'. Of course, this having been said, by all means build a reactor casing for people to shoot at, and if you do decide to be sensible and have the weapon plug into the mains, please please please try to hide the extension cord, or you just aren't going to be taken seriously. 3. Computers. Okay, these are easy. You want big racks of flashing lights, a rack of about 4 tape drives that continuously whirr for absolutely no reason, and some canisters of liquid helium to have steaming gently in the background... apart from this, it really doesn't matter, as you're unlikely to have any idea of how to operate the damned things as it is. Get a geek to do all the boring computer work for you - offer to subscribe him to all of the XXX sites if need be, but he'll make a far better job of any computer work than you would, and geeks are well known for being easy to shoot when the going gets tough. Hell, take away his pocket protector and stuff biros into his pocket until he begs for mercy. Be ruthless, what has Ruth done for you lately? Anyhow, computers. It's a toss up whether or not to have a webpage detailing your reasons for demanding World Acquiesence (Dictators can have vocabularies, although they usually have a lackey carry them around when they get heavy) as people will likely use this to track you down, unless you hire a geek (as above) to do some of that fancy computer mumbo-jumbo so that any invaders end up at Disneyland instead of at your base. Again, leave the computer stuff to your lackeys and get Helga to give you another manicure. Or get Armand to give your hair another deep-penetrating root treatment for your TV interview next week. Either way, leave computers to those who can get crushed by falling girders when your base starts to fall apart. Finally, and briefly... Some Suggested Wall Hangings for the Great Hall: * Fake Bayeux Tapestry * Portraits of Hitler / Mussolini / Stalin / PeeWee Herman * Giant outsized picture of a Puffin eating a snake * Fake Stained Glass Window witha secret door behind it that you never actually use * Black ninja uniform and Ritual disembowelling Spoons ( scrounged after your last convention)