Okay, today we're going to look at some of the methods for World Domination that you shouldn't try to use, as they've already been tried, or are in the progress of being tried, or are so patently stupid you'd be better off trying to argue about the relative merits of 'subspace' with a hardened Trekkie than try them.... Okay then, here are 3 such methods, and notes thereupon... Nuclear Threat. The USA tried this in the 50s and 60s. It didn't work. People stopped buying their chocolate and started to call them names. (Like paranoid aggressive loonies.) However, it is a valid method, so we'd better take a bit of a peek... * You do get to have very phallic missiles and submarines and stuff. * People hate and fear you, and curse you in their prayers. (Which is a good look for many would-be World Dictators.) * People always taunting you with the "You don't have the guts to pull the trigger" line.... * You get to give other would-be World Dictators that "my missile is bigger than yours" schtick... * Problems with hair loss and feelings of inadequacy. * Dirty looks from the neighbours whose water-mains you've just drilled through when installing that new MX Peacekeeper missile silo in the front lawn. Hmm. Best to steer clear of this, it's a definitely non-PC way to grind civilisation under the heel of your steel-pointed boot. Look for a more "90's" way to go about it... Subversion through TV Images. Okay, this is a more up-to-date method, and carries some real perks. However, there are still a number of problems with it, so let's look at some of them... * You get to get really rich, and thus this is a self-funding method for World Domination. Saves you having to raid your piggy-bank. * You get to have lots of busty women in your TV show wearing very little. (Actually, for this method of World Takeover to be successful, this is almost a requirement.) * If you're writing your own scripts (which you should be, to ensure enough of your propaganda gets in there) you get to do lots of scenes of rubbin' up against said inadequately clad busty women. * You develop an unhealthy fear of zoom-lens cameras and tabloid publications with their rumours of steroid abuse. As if it could be called 'abuse' ... it should be called 'use'... * Danger of trying to develop a singing career in parallel... it's bad enough that most people out for World Domination can't even act... Hmm, might work, but not too likely -- you will get filthy rich (and see other perks listed above), but the power thing is dubious, and thus this approach is best left to somebody with a fetish for leather pants with huge belt buckles and fast, black cars. Consider yourself warned... World Economic Ruin with a Computer Virus. Weeeell, isn't this a topical one... there are a number of advantages to this, as will be seen. The downsides are perhaps more subtle... Note: "Virus" in this case can be interpreted in many ways... Holding a bank ransom through hacking their computer, threatening to expose a government's dirty secrets.. but we'll focus on an operating system that the entire world will unwittingly install on their computers... * You get to finally justify that Commodore 64 that you got bought as a kid, and had all the social problems of your teenagehood blamed on as a result... * You get to laugh at all the fools who suffer because of your cruelty. * You get to make all the conspiracists over-the-top paranoid with rumours of trojan horses and internal virii... * People will use your products out of a sense of loyalty, no matter what quality they are. * Your name will be spoken in hushed tones... Okay, you may well notice that there is a complete lack of any real disadvantages listed. That's because despite our intensive research, we were unable to find any. We had a couple of leads, but then our computer crashed and we lost the data... I think we need a bigger system... Okay, so don't try any of these ones out, because they're sure to disappoint. Except the last one, of course. But that's because no one man could ever hope to pull that off...