From „The Sacred Magicks of Umbilicus the Mage‰ Chapter IV. Concerning the Experiment of Bringing a Spirit Vehicle to Thine Aid and How to Obtain Entrance Therein. Let the magician find a crossroads marked with the appropriate sigils (Figure 1). Standing with one foot in the road and one foot upon the curb, let him gaze intently in the direction from which he wishes the vehicle to approach. Let him be guided in this intent by the observation of the movement of other Wondrous Carriages as might be seen upon that path. For all mystic paths pay heed unto the flow of Traffick, in accordance with divine and temporal law. To stand against the mighty Current which governs the appearance of the Spirits is calamitous, as Umbilicus has found to his great discomfort, for it was many weeks before the Cast came off. In this Operation, the aspirant must also be most careful to consult the Spiritual Table of Hours (Figure 2) which governs to movements of Spirit Vehicles as they manifest upon our Earthly domain. There are many such Tables, more false than true. Let the aspirant carefully examine the Table one is offered to assure oneself that the intended Crossroads are indeed mentioned therein and the Numerology of the Spirit Vehicle, which it shall brandish before it wherever it may appear, is indeed the Vehicle that Thou desirest. One must obtain this Table without haggling and study its implications well, for it is true that, if the aspirant does not attend unto the correct hour, the Spirit Vehicle summoned will be rebellious unto him and transport him to realms in which hideous demon gangs or vast numbers of salespeople dwell as befell your humble Teacher, Umbilicus, and his pockets were quickly emptied. Let the magician arrive upon the appointed hour most faithfully and conduct the Conjurations appropriate unto the Spirits who are ascendant in that time. Anyway, to get back to the Most Sublime Operation I have commenced to describe unto you, before I became completely distracted, Let the Magician scry in the proper direction and on the proper Hour and ascertain that the Vehicle has not yet Manifested on the physical Plane. Now commences a time of silent meditation in which one must Enflame oneself with the Desire to be elsewhere. Thou shalt be assisted in this Inflammation by the Horde of knaves, cut-purses, and the Overly-friendly who shall also gather upon the Hour. Speak naught to these gibbering demons. They seek to distract the Mage from his intent for they may offer many diversions which will lead to ruin and certainly won‚t help one to the desired destination any time soon. Reaching into Thine Pocket of Art, withdraw from it the silver disks of Commerce, inscribed with the Seals of the Mighty, Who have lent unto them certain Denominations which the aspirant must use to obtain Entrance. Be thou assured unto thineself that thou hast the Correct Change. Without this Confidence, the Will of the Mage may flag before the Operation is completed, for he must face the Dweller on the vehicular Threshold, who shall require Absolute Correctness on the part of the Aspirant, else thou shalt be Ejected from the vehicle Most Forcefully. If, in thy Ignorance, thou art unaware of the Proper Denominations of the Disks, consult unto the Secret Chiefs of the Mercurial Order of the T:. A:.(Transitus Authoritiana), and it will be revealed unto thee. When the Magician has Satisfied himself that the Denominations are correct, and his confidence is High and Enflamed, He may commence the Conjurations. The First Conjuration „I conjure thee, Vehicle of my Heart‚s desire, by the Holy Names: Schedulai, Nolo Pollutante, SardineCanus, Lait, Azz, Usuiel. Appear before me in Comely form, bearing upon thy Forehead the mystical Name of thine Ineffable Destination.‰ If the vehicle is otherwise occupied or refuse to appear, the Magician must proceed to the Stronger Conjuration. The Stronger Conjuration „I Command thee! In the Names of: Goddam, Fricken, Busses, Kattelwaggons, Ifonly, Khabs, Wir, Cheepere. Thou art summoned! Appear, even thought thou be broken, even though thou art occupied elsewhere!‰ If the Vehicle still does not appear, proceed to the Extremely Strong Conjuration, which cannot be resisted. Note well, my students, that the Extremely Strong Conjuration is not to be confused with the Extremely Loud Conjuration. The Unsavory inhabitants of the crossroads are attracted to thine Hysterics, and will offend thee and seek to distract thee in many ways once thou hast begun a Ruckus. Heed the counsel of the One who has gone before thee and who has Suffered for his Art. The Aspirant will do well to intone the Conjurations in the Spirit Voice. The Extremely Strong Conjuration „I command thee with the Names of Irresistable Power: Eye, Gessai, Hav, Tyme, Forra, Sigga, Rhett. Approach now, lest thee be Struck with Living Flame!‰ Take, from thy Pocket of Art, a single incense stick of tobacco and Paper, which thou hast previously purchased or constructed. Set the tip of the stick to flame and draw upon it with thine lips, breathing the Martial vapors. Before thou canst draw upon it six times, the Vehicle will undoubtedly appear. Move not at all until the Vehicle hast come to a full stop before thee and do not take thine eyes from it for even a second, lest it take thine Inattention for lax desire and Hurry away from thee. When it hath stopped its Motion, the portals shall swing wide as if by an Unseen Hand. Now thou shalt Display the Disks of Correct Change which thou hast relied upon. Drop them into the Crystal Chamber which shall appear before thee. Look not into the eyes of the Driver nor speak unto Him, for this is against the Law of God and Man. Once the Dweller has been successfully negotiated, let the Mage proceed to the seats within the Vehicle and select an approriate one, be one available. Look not upon any other rider fixedly, lest ye offend and be struck. Thou mayest stare from the Wondrous Crystal Window as the Vehicle rushes towards its Appointed Destination with a great Noise. Beware! Thou mayest not fumigate with any incense, tobacco or otherwise, upon the Vehicle; For the great Angel of the vehicle, called Diesiel, whose name means „Chariot of God‰, who is sometimes called Danikenphon, and who is ruled by the Archangel Petrolior, whose name means „Fumigator of God‰ and whose incense, if breathed by Men, destroys them. Thus, in the presence of this Angel, no smoke or flame may be used lest there be a mighty Noise and thou shalt be devoured by Living Flame. Whenst thou dost espy a location near thy Destination, reach up with thine hand and gently pull on the magical Cord until an Astral Bell doth sound. Be thou most careful not to pull the Cord roughly, lest it Break and thou shalt incur the wrath of the Driver, who shall surely kill thee if thou dost not escape quickly. This occurred to your wise, but regrettably not omniscient, Mage on one unhappy day, and he was most fortunate to be of a speedy Nature and thus escaped. Heed the counsel of the Experienced. If thou dost safely Hear the bell, release the Cord at once, lest others think thee a Fool, or thou dost lose thy balance and incur the Wrath described previously. The Vehicle will stop at a nearby Crossroad and again the Unseen Hand will cause the Portal to gape, allowing thine Exit. Give thanks to God for a safe journey and dismiss the Forces you have gathered by drawing a deep breath and expelling it. The vehicle will depart at once and thou shalt have travelled unto thine Destination by Magick Most High.