Welcome, gentle folk and sick bastages. Yup, you have been unfortunate enough to have opened the fourth part of the Prankthology. Yes, that's right, the grand pappy of prank lists. So sit back, grab some lime green jello, pet your potato, and enjoy. And without too much further ado, I bring you the credits... _____________________________________________________________________________ Donald G. Bixler (Oops da Ogre) Kris Blade Michael Bloch Geoffrey Brent (William Gordon) Victor Brueggemann (Victor) Veronica Bulger Butch (Bostch) Stella E. Chambrick Jonathon Conway Jason D. Corley Lea Crowe Andrew Cruse Joshua E. Culbertson (desnoirs) Ren Cummings (Dark Heart) Raven Darksaint (Raven) Doug DeJulio Gregory Ehrendreich Rosanne Fisher Jerome Fouletier Andrew Getting Benjamin Avery Goldstein Paul Haggard (John Dowskin) Josh D. K. Marok Matt Johnny Mayall (Peg Leg Pete) D. McKeeman (Weasel Boy) Andrew C. Murdoch J. Nelson C. Newman (Sableagle) Ken Pat Gaston Phillips jetgirl (mistress josephe) Troy Schiemann (The Green Man) Carlo Settineri (Mike Youngblood) Laura Smit (loa lightquencher) Ashley Taft (Ashley) Sean Williamson (Othello) Eric M. Willey (v.a.l. aka Mercy) Chelsea Wood Joe Zubkavich (Abraham Walker) _____________________________________________________________________________ The Prankthology _____________________________________________________________________________ Disclaimer: High levels of Dominate, Obfuscate, Vissectitude, and Dementate are highly suggested. 'Course, a good amount of Potence, Fortitude, and Celerity never hurt anyone. Well, not us anyway... Disclaimer the Second: If anyone takes any of this seriously, you are weird. If you don't get help at Charter, get help somewhere. This is all in fun, twisted as it may be. _____________________________________________________________________________ 331. Go to a night school. Find a geometry class. Demonstrate one practical use for bisection and trisection on the instructor. 332. Find a biology class. As above but dissection. 333. Yuppie hunt! 334. Landmines on a football field. 335. Find a place that does nighttime skydiving. Sneak on board and stay hidden until everyone starts jumping. Hitch a ride down with someone right as they leap. Bonus points if your target pees themself. 336. (Variation on the above...) When everyone jumps, throw the pilot out. Commandeer the plane and go back and see how many of the skydivers you can hit before they land. 337. Go bowling with dynamite. 338. Find some idiots bungee jumping off a rural bridge at night. Bring along some binoculars and a sniper rifle with a Starlight scope and a silencer. Watch for looks of shock as the bungee jumper's buddies pull their perforated friend up. 339. Find one of those places that makes animal ice sculptures during Christmas season. Dress up like "the great white hunter" and bag a few "savage beasts" with a shotgun and a British accent. 340. Replace a noted anthropology lecturer and unveil the secrets of Man's evolution from the noble bunny rabbit. 341. Get a bunch of friends and dress up in togas. Go find Ted Kennedy while on Capital Hill. Think Julius Caesar... 342. Brand a big "A" on the forehead of as many prostitutes you can find in one night. 343. During the middle of a nighttime mass, run in and stake the priest through the heart, screaming that he was a vampire. Tell them all that you can prove it by taking out the stake and saying that he'll then get back up again. When he stays dead on the floor, apologize and run like hell. 344. Find a bunch of obnoxious Goth punks. (Using dominate and Dementate, of course...) Declare the technology is a MENACE created by the ESTABLISHMENT to SHACKLE us and take away our FREEDOM and make us dress in bright COLORS. When you get 'em all riled up, hand out sledgehammers and lead them to Best Buy. 345. Find Alex Trabek. Say "The current President." If he doesn't answer " 'Who is' Bill Clinton", punch him in the mouth. Keep it up each night with a new question and answer until he answers the correct way. 346. Entice the same Gangrel into frenzying each night in the presence of the Prince until he looks like a wildebeest. 347. Find a Toreador who has a lovely little sculpture gallery. Tie 'em up and pry his eyes open (watch A Clockwork Orange for pointers...). Force him to watch while you spraypaint everything he holds dear neon purple. 348. Walk around exaggeratedly slow on tip-toes with a baseball bat. Whack a curious passerby. Continue until the police catch up with you. When they question you, tell them that you were just following Teddy Roosevelt's advice. 349. Dress up like a cave man and get a spear. Go to a science museum and attack the dinosaurs while singing the praises of mammals. 350. (You need to be able to hide real well on this...) Go to a night court. Think whoopee cushion. Think porcupine. (Hey, v.a.l., we both had whoopee cushion pranks. Sick minds think alike, eh?) 351. Go to an aquatic park. Steal a dolphin. Now go to a tuna fish cannery. Beat the hell out of everyone with the dolphin. Then put the tuna employees in the tank you took the dolphin from. Put the dolphin in one of those big blue mailboxes. (Some disassembly required.) 352. Pick an NPC at random, someone very minor. Slaughter them mercilessly. Insist they would have intervened at a crucial moment and destroyed everyone. Explain it perfectly reasonably and rationally. Let them think you're nuts. 353. Start posting Target Lists for your pranks at crucial places (Elysium, the Tremere Chantry, on flyers at meetings, etc. listing dates names and maybe even the nature of upcoming pranks. Adhere to the list strictly. Then start to charge a fee for it. Then print a totally spurious list and go back to business as normal. Option: continue producing Lists. Slowly turn them into demented collage work that everyone MUST STILL READ. Or burn them, and read the future in the smoke. 354. Completely change minor personality traits for no reason. Like alternative music? Practice sneering at everything but 20's cowboy songs. Like a particular author? Risk Rotschreck to burn every copy you own. Options: A phase? A prelude to a personality shift or split? No reason at all? "I was always like this?" 355. If for some reason your credibility gets too high, fictionalize memories. Or develop an eidetic memory and become an idiot savant if it gets too low. Then drop them before the GM can charge you points for them. 356. (Only for the truly creative player). You are a failed Malkavian, who still craves the security of a single reality. LOCK yourself into a single reality-frame. Desperately try to believe it's the only one. Unfortunately for you, it's not this reality---it's something else entirely. 357. Suddenly claim to have achieved Golconda. Live it. Put someone else on the path. Then degenerate into slavering bestiality. 358. Find out when Gallagher's gonna give a show. Substitute one of his watermelons with one filled with nitroglycerin. 359. (This one is extremely difficult and requires a very skilled practitioner of Obfuscate and Dominate...) Get two orangutans. Mask them to look like two heavy-weight boxers right before a fight, and stuff the real boxers in some small lockers. Unmask the overgrown chimps during the middle of the first round. 360. (This is a variation of the above...) Replace two boxers before a fight. Midway into the first round, both go Horrid Form and pound the unlivin' bejesus out of each other. Ripping off a limb and beating the other boxer with it is considered bad form. 361. Get some friends and dress up like pirates. Make filthy landlubbers ( that would most likely be Ventrue...) walk the plank off a skyscraper. (Thanks, Babd, for reminding me...) 362. Dress up like a gold miner. Carrying a pickax and some dynamite, go to an indoor mountain climbing establishment. Set up the dynamite and inform all the claimjumpers that they have five seconds to leave before they are evicted. 363. Go commandeer an eighteen-wheeler. Play chicken with the police precinct building. No fear. 364. Go to a Blockbuster Video store dressed in a dark suit and sunglasses. Get every copy of Bram Stoker's "Dracula" and start walking out of the store. When confronted, tell the employees that you are on official FBI business and that you are confiscating important federal evidence. When they continue to argue, accuse one of them of being a vampire trying to run a cover-up operation and behead him. Tell stunned onlookers that the fact that he isn't getting back up while beheaded is proof that he was a vampire. Hell, everyone knows beheading vampires kills 'em... 365. Get a pinstripe suit and a tommy gun. Go to a crowded bar. In your worst Prohibition gangster voice, tell the barkeep, "Mr. Capone don't like ya musclin' in on his business, see?". Then gun him down and shoot up all his liquor. See how many people show up the next night. 366. Find a Tupperware party. Reenact the Salem witch trials/burnings. (Damn Tupperware...) 367. Make yourself look like JFK, bullet holes, splatted brain, and all. Call a press conference to tell America what really happened that fateful day. 368. Sneak into a maximum security prison dressed like Death, scythe included. Execute each death row inmate in his cell, but take his head with you. Enjoy the media circus the following night. A week later, call up some asinine show like "Hard Copy" with heads in hand... 369. Hijack a truckload of televisions. Sneak into an Amish community and cement a TV into the living room of each house. 370. Get some friends. Nab as many younger Nosferatu as you can in one night. Fleshcraft them all to look just like Fabio. 371. (Only for the truly sick and perverted pranksters...) Fleshcraft some guy's manhood to the point where if he walks naked in the sand, he leaves behind two footprints and a little ditch. 372. Dress up likes Moses. Go about Jewish communities and part small bodies of water with hand grenades and C-4. Public pools open at night are always nice... 373. Go to Lincoln's Log Cabin. Introduce it to modern technology, ala the chainsaw. 374. Find one slightly cagey Prince. Now impersonating one of his more trusted Primogen members, inform him conspiratorially that a Justicar is coming to town. A few days later, after the rumors have had time to grow, impersonate a Justicar. Walk up to the Prince in the middle of a Primogen meeting and start pointing at him while laughing uproariously. Throw a rubber chicken at him and leave. 375. Organize a Halloween festival with a "biting booth" to replace the kissing booth. Start with humans wearing plastic fangs. Then join them and show how it's really done. 376. Sneak a note under a Justicar's door saying: "You, we of Gehenna await, Your test is to find the way. Seek now the hidden gate, You have until the break of day." Then go light fires all over town. Watch him scurry. Tee hee! (What do all the fireman and police think about seeing the same person prowling about all the fire scenes when they arrive? Does the Justicar brave the flames? Twice? Get home by morning? Remember, camcorders are your friends...) 377. Abduct one cow. Vandalize it by shaving all its hair off and painting a biological hazard symbol on it. (The 'Precedent'.) The next night, steal a dozen cows. Vandalize them all in the same way. Then turn them into vamp-cows. Now fill their unused body cavities with plastic explosives attached to a remote-control detonator. Drop the cows off at the police precinct houses, and while the cops try to figure out what to do with a bunch of vandalized cows, detonate the explosives. 378. Get a slue of pigs and turn them all into vamp-chops. Now superglue Crusader uniforms to them and release them in a mosque. 379. Miami Vice-letics! a) Become accepted by your local werewolf sept as a good sort if a bit weird. b) Be exiled for challenging one of their Ahroun in too silly a manner. c) Call on said Ahroun and take him on holiday to Jamaica. d) While there, zap everyone's minds until you have made some two million in poker. e) Then give this to a random cocaine smuggler to set up as a hotelier, and inspire him to be very good at it. f) Get bored waiting for your exile to expire. Buy some speedboats. g) Relieve boredom by watching several James Bond movies, and be inspired by them to break up several major drug smuggling rings in 007's trademark suave, debonair manner. h) Remain miraculously unhurt by bullets. i) Exit stylishly before local Settites throw a wobbly. 380. 400 Meter Ancient Deity Offending! a) Use a Mage's Umbral computer to obtain Madonna's phone number. b) Use Presence to persuade her to fly to Athens with you. c) Continue and persuade top producers to help you record a song with her. d) Keep going and convince all major radio stations to A-list the result. e) Use your skill to write major league song encouraging goddess Athena to pop up and make herself heard. f) Spend rest of unlife fending off Camarilla Justicars with no sense of humor. 381. Take the entire Japanese whaling fleet into Pearl Harbor. Then while the authorities are sweating over it, sink the lot. Blame the Russians. 382. Using Mask of a Thousand Faces, appear as a Tremere and be present during one of their rituals. "Accidentally" screw it up and blame those damn Malkavians. 383. Snag the account number for the local Prince's platinum American Express Card. Watch the Home Shopping Network and order two of everything. Send one to yourself and the other to the Ventrue Justicar with regards from the Prince. 384. Go to an art class at night school. Cut off everyone's right ear. 385. Assassinate a big city mayor. Continue doing this until no one runs for office. Bonus points for having each new mayor killed in a different manner. 386. Go watch "Under Siege" with some friends. Then go off Steven Segal and do it right. 387. Go gay bashing: beat the piss out of everyone with a smile on their face. (Thought ya had me, didn't ya?) 388. Mosh pit. Carefully concealed personal tazer. Hours of entertainment. 389. Get one of those super slingshot water balloon launchers. Go to a chicken farm. Reveal to them the secrets of flight. 390. Find one of those Carnival luxury cruise ships. Head way north. See how far along cruiseships have come in terms of safe boat abandonment since the Titanic. 391. Commandeer a C-5 Galaxy transport plane. Raid a car dealership. Play Santa Claus from high altitude. (Thanks v.a.l.) 392. Once again, sneak into a zoo at night. Spraypaint all the primates neon purple and dress a hippo in a pink tutu and ballerina slippers with some superglue. 393. Hydrochloric acid. Super Soaker 2000. Law School. 394. Find a flag burner. Torch 'em and ask how he likes it. 395. Get a steamroller. Have someone turbo-charge it. Go to a carnival and see how many smears you can make. Bonus points for dumb-ass mimes and clowns. 396. Get some friends and dress up like soldiers form Santa Anna's army. Take back the Alamo from those rebellious Texans. 397. Dress up like Confederate soldiers. Storm the White House and kick out the Yankee aggressors. 398. Get a cement truck. Cement over the "Walk of Stars". Bonus points for snagging pedestrians. 399. Go to a cemetery and find some fresh graves. Grab some limbs and other body parts. Now find a museum with some old statues. Replace any missing parts and limbs with superglue and pilfered corpse pieces. 400. (This one's for you Matthew...) Go to France with a duffflebag full of Bic razors. Enforce armpit shaving among the women. 401. Get some friends and dress up like Robin Hood and his Merry Band. Hijack armored cars and give all the money to the homeless. See how many keep it and get arrested. 402. On live TV, disembowel yourself and give a Roy Rogers lasso show with your small intestine. 403. Dress up in a dog suit. Froth your mouth with shaving cream. Beat the piss out of every employee in the post office. Make sure you bit all the mailcarriers on the butt. 404. (Only for the truly life-defying vamps... or something like that...) Locate and steal a nuclear warhead. (It may be best to import on this part...) Find a hippie commune. Decorate the warhead with peace slogans and superglue the hippies to the warhead. Call the authorities and demand global disarmament. 405. Find one of those silly dude ranches. Dress up with some buddies like Injuns. You know what to do by now... 406. Get a lot of friends. Go to Scotland. Dress up like Highlanders with kilts and swords. Storm over Hadrian's Wall and punish the invaders to the south. 407. Get some friends and dress up like the Power Rangers. Now go to an elementary school and beat the piss out of every kid with a PR lunchbox. 408. Convince an entire fraternity house that they are really walking on the ceiling. Amusing to watch them cling to furniture and plead to be let down. 409. Dominate some poor schlep into threatening that he's gonna jump off the top of a building. Then wait for all the news crews and rescue people to come on up. Now dominate them into threatening they're gonna jump... 410. Using four hundred gallons of spackle and a spatula, go to a zoo at night and plug certain animal orifices. Put exlax in their food just before dawn. 411. According to Jewish custom and law, insane personas are not held accountable for their actions. Also, people are told specifically not to harm insane people. How about we take a trip to the Holy Land and beat a Hassid... 412. Wax the steps at an old folks home and yell, "Fire!". 413. Re-set Big Ben one minute ahead per day. For a month. Keep buying expensive watches in London and returning them angrily. 414. Disguise yourself as Jim Morrisson and take a flight from Africa to L.A. 415. Install wind tunnels in a leper colony. 416. Spike a city's water supply with LSD. 417. Go to some plague or disease infested village and bring a friend. Now re-enact the famous Monty Python "Bring out yer dead" skit. 418. Dominate a Salubri into thinking "Doctor Faustus" is the ultimate authority on healing. 419. Find some jack-ass Torry you don't like. Now go find a Black Spiral Dancer and tell him that someone calling themself a "White Howler" told you to tell them to bugger off. Give directions to the Torry. 420. Find a somewhat small town. Just before dusk, have a bunch of ghouls very quickly build a small wall in the middle of the main street. Include rolled razor wire and spotlights. When the sun sets, come out dressed like post WWII East German soldiers. Start screaming in German (or just sound harsh and use a lot of phlegm) at the curious bystanders and open fire. No one must cross the Berlin Wall. (When no one else will come near enough to drill, label some of your more unobservant buddies as capitalist sympathizing traitors...) 421. Get a couple of friends and some tow trucks. Declare a ritzy valet parking garage a no parking zone. Whap valet attendants on the noggins with the "No Parking" signs you ripped out of the ground on the way there if they argue. Tow the offending vehicles to the police impound lot. 422. ...or if you can't get the two trucks, carve a parking violation ticket onto each car's hood with a knife and superglue "No Parking" signs to the windshields. 423. Sneak into a local grocery store after hours. Peel a bunch of bananas. Glue the peels back onto the banana-shaped plastique you brought and put the produce on the bottom of the pile. Have ghouls with camcorders in place the next day. 424. Get a bunch of nasty, preferably rabid, pitbulls. Go to a very fancy restaurant. Declare all diners as trespassing on your land. Release the hounds. 425. A "JUGGS" baseball throwing machine. A couple of bags full of potatoes. A crowded movie theater. Multiple concussions, much blunt trauma, and lots of giggles. 426. One commandeered garbage truck filled to the brim. The state legislature building. Explain that you're only trying to consolidate the location of all the trash. 427. Find out where someone is doing a shark documentary. Glue a fake dorsal fin on your back and a big row of souvenir shark teeth on your mouth. See how much film coverage you can get when you attack another shark with a fireman's ax. 428. A crowded whirlpool at a health club. A juiced-up cattle prod. Lot of neat new hairdos. 429. Think dynamite fishing. Now think dynamite cattle herding. 430. Get a mobile anti-aircraft gun. Go to a busy airport. Declare duck season open. 431. Steal a baby elephant. Make it watch a certain Disney movie. Hope it has learned quickly as you launch it off of the Sears Tower. 432. Fleshcraft someone to look like Bill Clinton. Strip him naked and superglue frozen waffles all over his body. Drop him off in front of the Senate Building during session. Dominate him into going inside screaming "I never inhaled! Really!". 433. Watch TV all night and write down the address of every frivolous lawyer who advertises. The next night, visit each one and superglue a whiplash neckbrace onto him. Damn weasels... 434. Find a building where people regularly commit suicide. Wait for a person to try and kill themselves by jumping. Talk them out of it. As they are about to come of the ledge, push 'em off. 435. Go to a big parking garage. Take the front license plate off of every vehicle there. Now go stack them in a pile in front of the Post Office. (Placing a potato carved into the bust of Henry Ford on top of the pile is optional, but considered good form.) 436. (Prank Story...) One twelfth generation Malkavian gets elected Prince of a major city. Now, Maxwell, a sixth generation Gangrel and former Prince, comes back to reclaim his throne. Now Abraham (the Malk) phones up Maxwell and challenges him to personal combat for the Princehood. Rules are that no aggravated damage be done and all hits must be weapons, not hand to hand. Maxwell laughs and accepts. The next night, Abe shows up. Waiting are Maxwell and quite few other vampires along with Abraham's friends. They both prepared themselves, and the duel began. Now Abraham yells to Maxwell, "You have been the Prince of Chicago, and so, as the present Prince, I will now show you a sign of my respect for you." He then turns around, drops his drawers, and flatulates at Maxwell. Maxwell, of course, frenzies and loses control. Most of the watching vampires jump off the roof and run. Maxwell throws his sword at Abraham, grows claws, charges, and assaults him hand to hand. A friend of Abe's then interferes, using Telekinesis to pull Maxwell off Abraham. And so the little Malk defeats his foe and pranks the entire city in the process... 437. Find a place that sells firewood. Buy a bunch of it. Now douse it in gasoline and light it. Argue with proprietor that he never stipulated anything about location... 438. Steal a grizzly bear. Superglue a forest ranger hat on his head, a can of gasoline in one had, and a Zippo in the other. Let 'em loose near the fire station. 439. Sneak into a grocery store after hours again. Superglue worms to every apple. 440. A baseball bat, some grenades, and a marching band at a parade. Bonus points for floats. _____________________________________________________________________________ -Peg Leg Pete, part five coming soon to a newsgroup near you... Please address all comments to mayall@acslab.acs.unt.edu.