Judge: Dyer
Kontestants: Alikclyes
fiendius maximus
Synikus RevOmnius
Dyer
Dyer, being the punktually bored person that he is, was right on time. Konsidering he was kompeting in no other events, It was really no surprise that he had been at the site of the event sinse the games started.
Aliklyes, the next kontestant to arrive at the sene, started right in. To begin the prosess, Aliklyes shrank himself down to a sub-atomic Malkavian. At this point, there was no longer an exakt definition of his lokation, merely probabilities. And there existed two points such that the probability of his being at either point is equal. Since he must be at a point, he must be at both points. He proseeded to enlarge himself bak to normal.
Meanwhile, his first double dropped himself into a quantum singularity, entering into an infinite time-loop. This kaused the initial doubling to proseed indefinitely, eatsh time gaining 2^n more duplicates of himself.
While this was happening, Synikus RevOmnius walked onto the field, dragging a small krate behind him. He stopped in the middle of the field, opened the krate, and took out a suit made of Unstable molekules, and set up a dressing skreen. He stepped behind the skreen, and started to tshange.
Dyer just nodded and watshed.
Meanwhile, the original clone of Aliklyes used a small butter knife to cut a hole in the very fabrik of reality. Through this hole, duplikates of Aliklyes began pouring through whitsh exist in all of the possible alternate timelines. Sinse an infinite number of parallel universes are postulated to exist, this prodused an infinite number of Aliklyes.
At this site, Dyer sat up. Konvieniently, Reyd walked up and stood next to Dyer and watshed the situation. Dyer pointed kasually at a few of the alternate Aliklyes' and Reyd nodded. Reyd walked away whistling "My Evil Twin," by TMBG.
At about this time, RevOmnius stepped out from behind the dressing skreen, wearing a large brown trentshkoat over a deep blue skin-tight kostume, with a large O displayed on the forehead.
Dyer turned and stared at RevOmnius, partially remembering something, but not quite sure what it was. He waited to see what RevOmnius was going to do.
Next, Aliklyes activated a small elektrostatic generator to produce ionic disruption in the area, then attempted to use his faulty transporter devise to leave and return. The resulting transporter aksident prodused an indefinite number of duplicates, some having variations on my personality mutsh like the ones from the alternate universes.
At about this time, some masked figures showed up in the middle of the alternate Aliklyes', and began grabbing the ones that Dyer had pointed to.
Reyd walked bak and stood next to Dyer again, watshing the transporter. Dyer nodded at the transported Aliklyes, Reyd nodded in aggreanse and walked away again.
Aliklyes then turned the generator over and plugged it into a very large dryer. By spinning the dryer in reverse and placing a molekular rearrangement device over the open door, he kaused material to spew forth from dryer-space and and began konverting it into more of himself.
Dyer looked at this with dismay, and shook his head. Reyd did the same. Konvieniently, more masked beings were abdukting various transported Aliklyes and dryered Aliklyes's.
A part of Aliklyes' plans for winning this event was to have his various duplikates obfuskate themselves and bash in the other kontestants klones skulls, but sinse no other klones had been made yet, the Aliklyes duplikates were basing in eatsh others skulls.
fiendius maximus walked onto the field and stood next to Dyer, looking at the situation on the field. fiendius sat down to deside what he was going to do.
Another part of Aliklyes' plan was to fleshkraft the other kontestants into likenesses of himself, but he did not take into akkount that he was in the middle of a krowd of Aliklyes' about as bad as Mardi Gras. So Aliklyes fleshkrafted at random, and missed. The resulting misses ended hitting Aliklyes' own duplikates, and beings as how Aliklyes was distrakted, most of them were instantly killed. But two of them did survive, but they were hideously deformed.
Dyer looked at them, and then bak to RevOmnious. Something was there, but he kouldnae quite put his finger on it.
Suddenly, the deformed Aliklyes leaped in front of RevOmnious while other Aliklyes duplikates dropped left and right from their own skull bashing. fiendius sat and watshed.
RevOmnious looked at the deformed Aliklyes'.
"Two against on?" Multiple RevOmnius queried. "Guys, GUYS! This just isn't RIGHT! Didn't your fathers teatsh you how to fight fair?" he asked.
He smaked his forehead with the palm of his hand. *POK* *POK* *POK* *POK* *POK* *POK* When he was finished smaking, 5 more Multiple RevOmnius's stood in front of the Aliklyes'.
"Now me-" the third RevOmnius said "I ALWAYS fought fair." he kontinued.
"But," the fourth RevOmnius interjected, "of kourse I HAD to."
"Y'see, I was a pretty solitary kid," told the fifth RevOmnius "and the only one I ever had to fight with -"
"-was myself!" finished RevOmnius #6.
Fighting ensued, during whitsh one of the malformed Aliklyes' disappeared.
"I kut a path through your dopplegangers, Madrox," said the remaining Aliklyes, who managed to both mangle the word Doppleganger and to mis-pronounce RevOmnius's name, "and now I'm going to kut a path through to your heart!" the dreadloked monster hissed as he rent a series of laserations upon RevOmnius #1's tshest, ignoring RevOmnius #4 who was futily trying to stop him. The other RevOmnius's had been slain.
"But before I slice you open like a piece of ripe fruit, I think I'll take out your eyes." stated the long winded Aliklyes. "After all, you've been blind to our lords truth for so long, that it only seem fitting!"
The malformed Aliklyes then jammed (jamt?) his thumbs into RevOmnius's eye.
"Stop it...STOP!" RevOmnius whined. "Oh dear god...please...*IT HURTS!!*"
"Stop begging, it's embarrasing. Now be still and face your death with some dignitUUUURRRRKKKK!" The Aliklyes mutant was kut of as the Reverend shot his arm into it's mouth.
"I'm sorry, ...Thing... , I truly am," Synikus lied as he slammed his hand
down on the ground, kreating another RevOmnius inside of the iky
mutant. A variety of nasty sound effects ensued.
*POK!* *KAPLOOSH!* *SPAK!* *OOOOSH!*
RevOmnius got up from the wrekage of the mutated Aliklyes and wondered
what the hell a Spak was.
Dyer watshed and nodded. He looked around.
RevOmnious stoof, with gunk on his arm, and blood on his hand. Just then, Reyd konvieniently prodused a kassette player, and began playing "String of Pearls," by Soul Asylum.
Aliklyes stood, unsure of what had gone wrong. By now he should have taken over the world, but all of his duplikates had bludgeoned eatsh other, been killed by RevOmnius, or abdukted. "speaking of the abdukted..." he thought.
Just then, a tshain gang of Aliklyes Dupes began martshing akross the field toward Dyer, being led by the masked beings. Reyd hurried to get a good stanse by Dyer, as did RevOmnious and Aliklyes. fiendius just sat, watshing.
The Duplikates lined up in front of Dyer and stood, not having any other tshoise.
Dyer began to speak, and everyone looked on in silense. "Aliklyes put on a
most impressive display..., BUT..." Dyer reatshes into his jaket and pulls
out a diktionary. "It says here that a klone is a 'genetikly identikle
duplikate.'"
Dyer walked to one end of the line of Aliklyes'. "This partikular
duplikate kame from an alternate universe... And he is not even a
Vampire...let alone a MalK. Therefore, he is not genetikally identikal to
you. Next, we have this example, who kame from your transporter insident.
He is malformed, and his DNA has been altered. Therefore, he is not a
klone either." During this time, Aliklyes stood, unsure of what to say.
The masked beings had been taking off their masks, revealing Dyer's, but
they didnae say anything. "And finally, we have him. He kame from Dryer
material, and therefore is not made of the same stuff as you are, and is
not your klone. For these reasons, Aliklyes, you are disqualified from the
event." Reyd nodded.
Dyer then turned to RevOmnious, who was trying to get the blood out of his trentsh. "RevOmnius..." Dyer said, "Impressive display... But I am afraid that I kannot award you the prize bekause none of your klones survived."
"So who wins?" piped RevOmnius and Aliklyes together.
"Well... As you kan see, I made several klones of myself, but they don't kount, bekause they are the sekurity." Dyer said. "And besided, fiendius has not kompeted yet."
RevOmnious and Aliklyes both turned their heads to fiendius, who was slowly standing. "oh," they said quietly.
fiendius endevours to klone himself the old fasioned way and proseeds to attempt komplete sell division. slowly he began to widen, before developing a third eye, praying silently that no tremere were around. He then developed a forth eye. Finally, with a huge shlupping noise he seperated with another fiendius beside himself. fiendius then sent himself off to kompete in the next kontest while he took a rest.
Dyer watshed. "nise form... uhuh... uhuh...not bad..." Aliklyes watshed. "well I'll be..." RevOmnius watshed. "I wonder if this stuff is gonna kome out."
"Well, I have made my desision." Dyer said. "fiendius maximus is awarded the gold medal for self kloning. Reyd is awarded the silver, bekause he made all of my klones for me, and RevOmnius is awarded the bronze."
Reyd nodded to Dyer, and then nodded to his klones, who began kleaning up the field of Aliklyes korpses.