Judge: Handelolis
Contestants:
Crisis
Anna the Sullen
Riahannycles
fiendius maximus
alitanix
Gurgleis
The Judge grumps on to the field and settles himself down behind the fully stocked bar that some thoughtful competitor has provided for his comfort.
"Demon drink indeed!" he mutters, making himself a banana dacqueri.
"But Sir," a flunky exclaims. "The 'Doing things with the rules
that they aren't meant to do' event - you w.."
*CLUNK*
"Yeah, I walked out. Now get the contestants out here and doing their thing before I bottle you again, you whining toadie!" Handelolis sneers nastily at the ghoul, who runs off....
The scene is the changing room.
The worlds best sulkers are here, the air is gloomy, repressive. You just want to slap them in the face for being so childish....
The flunky blows his whistle and the solumn, down-cast, dejected group make their way out into the arena.......all except Crisis, who sits there, he hasn't even bothered to get changed......
As the event begins, alitanix stretches and strains her lower lip, warming up for the sulk of her life. She sighs in the general direction of the mirror, wishing once again that she could see herself. "Well rascal, how do I look?" she asks the chubby tabby cat lounging on the couch. The cat ignores her and rolls over onto her back. "Thanks" alitanix says brightly and prepares to go out onto the field. As she hears her name, she adjusts her coconut bra and grass skirt, runs her fingers through her long, purple hair one last time, and marches out onto the field. As she steps into the ring, she glares at her opponents, growling softly to herself. Then she turns her best "innocent" look on the hapless judge.
Handelolis looks uncomfortable at this and hides behind the makings of a Mai Tai to avoid her gaze. His swizzle stick falls to the ground and he scrabbles for it manicly.
The bell rings loudly, signalling the beginning of the round. alitanix starts off with a low key sulk, sitting in the corner with her lower lip protruding and her eyes downcast. The actions of her opponents called for more drastic actions, though. She proceeds on to the mobile sulk, walking around the ring in circles, shuffling her feet, and looking at the ground. As she does this, a sense of great depression and drearyness emanates from her general direction, causing many of the front row audience members to begin to cry. Every so often, she throws sullen looks to the crowd and says things like "what are you looking at" and "leave me alone, don't look at me, don't talk to me, don't even breathe my air!" Finally, alitanix degenerates into her best tactic. She curls up in the corner of the ring and begins to cry. The sympathy from the audience is immeasureable. It is quite clear that alitanix is a master in the art of sulking.
Gurgleis makes a peculiar number of noises for his part in the event while looking about morosely. Unfortunately the sounds seem to amuse the judge more than anything else, and it is only after his performance is complete and he stumbles away to the muffled chuckles from Handelolis that Gurgleis _really_ begins to sulk.
Next up is Riahannycles. She explains that she will be using a prop - one Ukolovikius Tilelius to initiate her sulk. The judge allows this.
Mr Tilelius rants at Riahannycles about a cow and the 'word'
'lledly', telling her to shut up and initiating the sulk:
*gives Uko a hurt look*
"Yes, sir."
*shoots him a glance with puppy dog eyes*
"I'm sorry, I just was playing. I was just was was just playing."
*lets tears well up in her deep brown eyes*
"I I I don't think that that you're my friend anymore. I I want to
to be your friend."
*lets a tear roll down her cheek and crosses her arms across her
chest, and hunches her shoulders and hangs her head*
"No, No, go away, I don't want you to see," *sniffle*, "to see me
cry. "
*puts on a Shirley Temple Pout and looks at Ukolovikius, her eyes
glistening with tears*
"But there is a cow on your homepage there *is* I **saw** it. On
the Super Secret Wepage. What do you mean it was only the word cow, it was
a *cow* I **saw** it. "
*walks over to a corner and huddles in it, snivleing*
"No don't look at me. "
*turns to the wall and refuses to look at anyone.*
This truly award winning sulk is obviously impressing the judge. All present stare hatefully at Ukolvikius as the muffled sobs rise to a climax. All except one - fiendius maximus approaches the distraught woman and drops something beside her. What is it? A handkerchief perhaps? No, it's a...
"napkin!" fiendius points out.
"Aaaaaaaargh!" Riahannycles cries. She leaps up and runs away in the direction of the changing rooms. A banging noise issues forth, followed soon after by the sound of ripping wallpaper. Shrieks fade into the low sobbing once again.
while all this commotion was going on, fiendius sat. he looked out at the field and thought. he thought about his favourite comics that had stopped being printed. he thought about how the illuminati were watching him.... he started to worry again and changed tact. he thought about how he could never tape his favourite songs off the radio without missing a few seconds or having to put up with dj's talking over it. he thought about his sex life. blue funk zone.
Handelolis was beginning to regret using his Auspex at this stage and found himself nodding to far too many of the things going through fiendius' mind. Apart from the illuminati. He knew it was the Tremere.
fiendius thought about his parents who had wanted him to visit but he couldn't find the time. he thought about the time he was spanked for not standing still after a bee had stung him. he thought about every last rotten thing in his life and unlife. then he thought about all the people who told him to change. his lower lip began to droop. his eyes narrowed. his posture slooped. and then he spoke......
"not gonna."
"Not gonna what, dweeb?" Anna the Sullen makes her way up to fiendius. She appears pissed at him for some reason. "Terrorising poor defenceless women just so you can win a contest! Damn MAN."
fiendius looks up at her rather forceful and unexpected sulk and begins to back away as Anna continues to dress him down, although not in the way he might like. The Perdetet component finishes her sulk by pulling back her fist and knocking fiendius into the nearby skeet shooting event. Some early practice shooters have a few potshots as his form goes flying by...
The judge now calls for the last competitor
"CRISIS!"
no one moves
"CRISIS?"
everyone looks around, but Crisis is not to be seen.
The judge sends his flunky to check where he is.
A few tense moments pass.
When when the official returns, alone, the air in the arena becomes tense
(or is it from the aroma of Mr Bunny and the judge battling for supremacy).
"Well?"
"He's still in the changing rooms sir, he says, and I quote 'whats
the point?, he won't win so everyone should carry on without him, he will
be OK.'"
And the crowd go wild at the obvious moodiness of the competitor who is sulking in the changing room.........
"Settle down. Settle down," cries the judge. "Right. I hate
sulking, so this is a very good event for me to be judging. I can easily
tell who wins by the degree to which they piss me off. Thing is, Crisis has
pissed me off the most by doing absolutely nothing - I _hate_ that passive
aggressive stuff. BUT Riahannycles has pissed me off the most by doing the
puppy dog eyes - I _hate_ the puppy dog eyes. So, you both get to win. "
Handelolis looks worriedly at Anna and alitanix.
"Heh. No hard feelings, eh? No no no!"
Handelolis runs after fiend in the direction of the skeet
shooting. He seems to feel a firing range would be a safer place to be.