Hello sports fans, here we are for todays event "Doing things with the rules that they are not meant to do" or as some people have dubbed it the "Hey, you can't do that, its says here on page....."
Yes, and here come the contestants:
We have Handelolis, Crisis, fiendius Maximus, Andycles, Anomalis
Pluralia, Hagbuttus Malicius and Master Bunniculus.
Todays head judge is Crisis, and we're sure that this won't influence
him, in any way, oh no, not him....
oh it looks like Hagbuttus Malicius, as an open offer of friendship is
handing around spades. I see one competitor is trying it out, ready for the
spade hurl and ....... no, the spade spun around, come back and hit the
competitor. That was not nice of Hagbuttus Malicius
The officials look ready, yes, out come the baseball bats, ready to quell the rioting competitors.....
Handelolis strides into the game area, resplendent in his leathers, jacket open to show his manly chest. Other contestants are almost blinded from the glare of torchlight off his pale skin. In one hand he holds an unopened bottle containing some dark liquid, whilst the other rests casually on the hilt of a sword at his waist.
"I note, Sir Judge, that rule number one states that 'No slaves OF ANY SORT' are allowed. Therefore I must sadly point out that fiendius maximus there," he points to the aforementioned cove, "is a slave to his own fiendish habits. Why, if one is to leave him a single opening in a conversation..."
"Opening?" fiendius maximus says. "What sort of opening? Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more."
Grinning with his first victory, Handelolis takes a sip of Rum to wet his whistle. "Secondly, although the blighter has been forgiven by our mighty queen of the Geee-Hods, it is well known that Andycles there indeed did leer at her in times past. Though he has been pardoned by us all, in the truest sense of this event in particular, I must call this point of rule (#5) breaking in and show him also to be unworthy of competing with those of us who do not do so."
There is some muttering as to the completely low call by Handelolis here, but he ignores it and continues to depopulate the competitor list by calling rules in to account:
Master Bunniculus is accused of diablerie (in contravention of rule #2) when Handelolis sticks his hand in the poor rabbit's mouth after offering it a blood soaked carrot. The fumes rising from Handelolis cause Master Bunniculus to become unconscious for a time, and unable to produce any rebuttal to this argument.
Anomalis Pluralia is accused of trying to regain Tremere blood, thus breaking rule #3. - 'All fees in Tremere blood are non-returnable'. Her efforts to explain that it was the blood of Day, one of her personalities, and that Handelolis should never have taken it from her after knocking her out in that walk-in freezer anyway are shouted over by the excited and over Rummed Handelolis.
After mentioning to Gurgleis that the Judge is not Crisis, but in fact Hagbuttus in a cunning disguise, he watches as the slobbering competitor excludes himself by breaking rule number 4 - 'No bowing or scraping to the judge', rightly knowing Gurgleis' inbred fear and obeisance to Hagbuttus will cut in.
Hoping that Crisis hasn't got any cunning ploys up his own sleeve, Handelolis catches himself before bowing and finishes with a careful curtsey to the Judge (Rule 4.). He looks around at the other competitors and sees them all pointing at the now empty bottle he foolishly brought in with him - showing his own slave status to the demon drink. "Well, sod," he exclaims, and rushes off to adjudicate the Sulking contest, where he will be giving the contestants a run for their money.
fiendius makes his way to the field.
"what?" he asks when he is told he got it wrong, "You mean it's not with
rulers?"
fiendius walked away from the field grumbling, "i know just where i was
going to stick it too......"
[Commentator]
And as fiendius leaves, Hagbuttus Malicius appears to be nailing his feet
to the ground and trying to cover him in marshmellows.....
Oh dear sport fans, the crowd don't seem to like that, so far they aren't impressed by the lack of twisting of the rules, and it looks like Andycles is withdrawing from the game, yes he appears to be running towards queen Parrhera standing at the edge of the field, and ....... Oh dear he past right through her, NO, she was an illusion and we see Hagbuttus Malicius laughing so we know who is responcible there. Andycles looks down cast, sorry old chap, now that is sad, we hope to see him in the shopping trolley race tomorrow.
And its over to Crisis to begin his entry.
He's coming forward and, and, and he's holding a top hat out of which he
pulls Master Bunniculus, yes of course, what a brilliant move.
To explain to our viewers, Master Bunniculus is of course a dead
disembolwed rabbit, but in the mind of Crisis, he is a swarth, sophisticated
rabbit who wears cool shades and a silk waist-coat and has an eye for the
ladies.
Although there is nothing wrong with this, the rule twisting is that
everyone else sees the charming, sophisticated Rabbit and not the mouldy,
smelly thing it really is.
And of course, Master Bunniculus is a great conversationalist.....
Wow, that is a stroke of a rule twisting, but Perhaps that should have
been his entry in the reality juggling.....
Oh, it looks like Crisis's hand is stuck to Master Bunniculus,
curtesy of Hagbuttus Malicius, what disgraceful behaviour today.
The judges are conversing and Crisis gives the honour to: Handelolis! Now that is amasing, apparently the one rule they didn't expect to see twisted around, was the rule that the whole game *IS* about doing things with the rules, so someone sticking to the rules is therfore twisting the rules.
And as Handelolis goes to collect his award, the crowd goes wild, and Crisis is throwing a tantrum and stomping his foot and calling judge Crisis lots of horrible names, Oh and judge Crisis and ordered Crisis from the field. Now that does mare the spirit of the event. Obviously he's practicing for the sulking contest.
Thats it for today, and tomorrow, we'll be back for the grocery shopping event.