Petecrates sat quietly on his judges throne, thinking how he was going to make a toast composed entirely of ooks be taken seriously. Alexus sat nearby, thumbing through the latest issue of Cerebus. From time to time, they glanced at their wrist sundials. "Wonder when they're going to get here..."
Spookulus proudly came onto the scene, pointed at various objects in turn, and looked at the judge expectantly as Spitzandalexus ran about sniffing here and there.
"Well?? Spitzandalexus identified them all - and without even looking!! How's THAT for categorizing?? Watch, here's the second partŠ"
Petecrates and Derenkovicus were rendered slack jawed by this display of un-Spookuluslike misunderstanding.
Spitzandalexus ran about woofing, herding what could be herded and taking what could be moved into seperate piles of complete disarray.
"Give them a hand, they don't have any!!" Spookulus crowed, then fell to burbling gleefully at the two-headed white beastie, which drooled happily as it awaited it's award.
Petecrates gestured to Alexus, who sighed and walked over to Spookulus. "Ummmm. Sorry to mention this, but the Categorization Event's over... Spitzandalexus won a flea dip in lieu of a bronze. But no one else has shown up yet, so you may get a med al in this event by default. Go sit on the bench, please..."
Meanwhile, back in Hercubadger's dressing room, a shadowy figure lurked. It tiptoed over to the Furred One's vanity table, and hunching over it performed various acts of sabotage, snickering in a sinister fashion. Suddenly, it straightened! Someone was coming! The lurker snatched His Caffienated Vaingloriousness's hair dryer and leaped out of a nearby window. Unfortunately, HercuBadger's dressing room was five stories up! The screams of the plummeting saboteur end with a faint splat, just as HercuBadger strides into the room.
He began to primp and preen as large, muscled Gee-Hods are wont to do. As he rubbed in some last minute conditioner, a faint hissing sound begins and the Badger begins to smoke slightly... Nodding to himself, he strode out to the competition clad as always in Loincloth and Low-IQ, giggling femmes.
HercuBadger walked out of the Parrlympic apartments surrounded by oil brush clad woman. He bowed to the crowd and to his step mother ParrHera. With a grace that had felines for kilometres around scartching their own eyes out in envy HercuBadger presented his making fur work for you.
Behind him stood the good people from Industrial Light, magic and Sandles. With a hurried whispered conversation the mighty powers of animation done badly were bought to bear on HercuBadger.
HercuBadger pulled out a few strands of fur from his impressive physique. Men in the stands whimpered in sympathy as he plucked out an eyebrow. After setting the fur down on the ground HercuBadger drew forth his mighty spade Thesaurs and split each of the hairs in twain. Again and again did he double the numbers of hair in a fine display of spademansship. Eventually the field was covered in HercuBadger fur fragments and this is when I,L,M & S come into action. Using diabolical processess known only to the truely boring they animated each of the hair fragments. In front of the crowd each hair picked up a bucket and walked down to a nearby stream where it picked up some water and depositied it in a waiting bath (after climbing numerious stone steps that weren't there before.)
Once the bath was full HercuBadger bowed once more to the crowd. Hand in hand HercuBadger and a lucky not-quite-underage lady left the stadium and the hair was collected by I,L,M & S for later inclusion in a Sinbad (the Sailor, not the Comedian ) movie.
Alexus nodded to the Demi-Semi-Geee-Hod, and after a hurried consultation with the monkey, grabbed one of the hairs. "Next!", and fiendius maximus wandered into the stadium. fiendius stroked his beard and thought about the uses he'd put that particular part of him to work before. The necks he'd tickled. The stomachs he'd brushed it over. The..... he stopped himself before he got kicked out for those sort of thoughts..... and just in time too, for Petecrates looked incredibly agitated at these non-Agape thoughts...
He pulled out a bundle of fur from his trenchcoat and started to cut it into patches, some he lined the inside of his trenchrobe. Then with the rest he whistled and watched as the fur came to life and ran after the other contestants rounding him (since Badger left, and Greyus hadn't shown up yet) up into a pen.... Alexus applauds like a damn fool at this, the first actual use of fur and not individual hairs, but the Philosopher Monkey merely sniffs at Hercubadger's captured hair. "works for me....", fiendius grins and wanders over to the pen to chat with Spookulus.
Soon, after this a bandaged and limping Greyus Wolfus comes into the stadium. He pulls out an oversized hair dryer (monogrammed HB) and begins to wind blow his hair prepatory to his fur performance. He then calls upon the powers of Luculas, Gee-Hod of Industrial Light, Magic, and Sandals to morph into a really cool, Nordic looking Fenris wolf with surprisingly fluffy fur. He strikes various impressive poses, then bows and trots over to the contestants' pen.
The competition over, Petecrates swung over to his podium. "Oook ook ookaook OoK ooooooK." Derenkovicus quickly translated, "Petecrates will announce the medals in a moment, but first he needs to disqualify a few people... First disqualification is Spitzandalexus (sorry, lads) for competing in the wrong event." A disappointed sigh goes over the few remaining spectators of the Parrlympics, Spitzandalexus were betting favorites... "Next is... Hercubadger! Petecrates has detected minute traces of Hercubadger Brand Coffee (TM), a substance banned as performance enhancing by the Parrlympic Committee, in Hercy's fur. Sorry bout that." Here a sinister snickering somewhat reminscint of a certain lurking form comes from Greyus Wolfus. Petecrates eyed Wolfus suspicously. "And lastly, it would appear that Greyus Wolfus has been using someone else's hair dryer (since HB doesn't seem to be the initial of Greyus Wolfus, even in Greek), which brings up the possiblity of theft. His medal will be held pending investigation..."
fiendius, not one to enjoy being left out, began to pester Petecrates to disqualify him too. Petecrates hands him a banana and told him to pipe down. Derenkovicus began translating the awards, "The Gold would have gone to Hercubadger, but alas, he couldn't contain his unnatural urges for bean flavored water. The silver goes to fiendius. And the copper will go to, if he is found innocent of the charges being held against him, Greyus Wolfus. And so nobody goes home empty handed, Petey would have awarded a special limited-edition cheese medal to Spitzandalexus for their bang-up try at Categorization..." Petecrates bows and runs off to watch himself in the Downhill Hockey event.
On to the next event:Doing Things with the Rules that they are not Meant to do!