Contestants:
fiendius maximus
Andycles Langicus
Spitzandalexus
Gurgleis
"Whaddya mean they forgot!?" Alexus Derenkovicus yelled at his dimunitive sidekick. "We can't bloody well have a game show if no one shows up!! I don't care how you do it, just get me my contestants!" With a nearly mutinous "ook" Petcrates shuffled off in search of bodies...
"And this is Jeo-Parr-dy!" The announcer voiced-over, and A.Derenkovicus smiled into the camera. "Hello, and welcome to a very special Jeo-Parr-dy episode. We have the, ahem, best of the best here tonight. From the city-state of Athenstralia, we have fiendius maximus. We also have from either Athenstralia or Thebes Zealand, I forget, Spitandalexus and gurgeleis. They're, umm, invisible right now, so you can't see them. Let's look at our categories. We have, 'Names without Gender', 'Tremere Bastards', 'Newbies on the List', 'innuendo' (fiendius ought to sweep this one), 'people who should be malks', 'caffeine, nitrous, caramel, and other recreational drugs'. fiendius, you won the toss so you can pick the first category."
"i'll take tremere bastards for 400 lira, 'lexus," said fiendius.
"the answer is saint germain...." alexus said in his best guy smilie voice, "saint germain....."
"which highlander did the tremere try to claim as one of them?"
"that is correct.... your next catergory, please."
"hmmmmm.... newbies on the list for 300 lira."
"All of them"
"could that be, who are the newbies Derenkovicus doesn't know well enough to write a category about?"
'Lexus grinned, "Exactly. Next one to choose that category automatically loses."
Meanwhile, Petecrates pulled a bound and gagged Spitandalexus on screen and pushed him (them?) behind their (his?) podium. Petcrates smiled and waved to the camera. "OoK!*"
Derenkovius waved him off screen angrily. "fiendius, would you pick another answer?"
"How about People who should be malks for 500, please?"
"the Answer is Phoebe Bouffay from the hit TV show 'Friends'."
Spitzandalexus buzzed in first, "Mmmf?" 'Lexus grimaced, "oh. I'm sorry, that was incorrect. fiendius?"
"Who is a person who should be a malk?"
"Yes!"
and so on, fiendius getting a big lead due to being the only one capable of answering. Petcrates managed to find a drunken Gurgleis and after dressing him up in dashiki and sunbonnet got him back in time for the phony chit-chat between Alexus and the contestants. Double Jeo-Parr-dy was skipped due to the host wanting to watch Letterman, so they skipped straight to Final Death Jeopardy...
"Coming into Final Death Jeopardy, fiendius has 12,800 lira, spitzandalexus 100 lira (seems mmmf? was the right question for one of the innuendos.), and gurgleis -100000000 lira (he accidentally wanted a Newbies on the List answer). Our category is...Rotschreck and you! And here's Petecrates with the TORCH!"
The contestants quickly dropped to the floor, and began rolling lots of d10s and looking for the Humanity box on their driver's license. All the contestants frenzy and subsequently pass out. 'Lexus grinned.
"Ummm, since I already sold the medals to order a pizza, I'll hand out some consolation prizes. For fiendius, the complete The Wheel of Time series of books by Robert Jordan (only because the series can be abbreviated as TWOT. nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more). Gurgleis, passed out next to last and so gets a modicum of self-respect. Spitzandalexus, sorry about that whole bound and gagged thing, here's a consolation flea dip. Ok, uh, our alternate contestant Andycles Langicus gets to be, oh what the heck, BOUND FOR ETERNITY IN SHAYOL GHUL TO SUFFER AT THE HANDS OF THE DARK ONE FOR ALL TIME! Woo hoo!"
Derenkovicus and Petcrates bow quickly and hurry out to the bar,
before the contestants wake up.
Feh.
(*Translated for the Monkey-Impaired:Hi Mom!)