Judge: Dyer
Offisials: Reyd
The Infamous BS
Kontestants: fiendius maximus
Handelolis
Biggus Jobbus
Hagbuttus
Hieronymous Boschus
Spookulus
Amhorach
RavenX
The kontestents make their way to the field, eatsh karrying their own seperate stash of pies. Hagbuttus walks to one side of the field and strategikally plases a large pile of pies. He then walks to the extreme other side of the field.
The Judge and offisials are already on the field, eatsh armed with yellow rainkoat and blak umbrella. The judge takes a head kount and notises that Biggus Jobbus is missing. Dyer looks down to his klipboard kontaing the vital stats of eatsh kontestent and frowns. He shows the page to Reyd and The Infamous BS. "oh" they both say quietly.
As the other kontestants begin to stretsh and eye eatsh other with evil gleams in their eyes, Dyer makes an anounsement. "Biggus Jobbus may *ahem* be a little late..."
A murmer goes through the kontestants, as they are unsure to just who Biggus Jobbus is. The general konsensus was "he must be a newbie so he can't be that big of a threat." Reyd overhears the word "big" and kan't help but shake his head.
Handelolis, worried about what Haggbuttus and Spookulus might do, desided to take kare of them first. He lit one of the overproof pies he had made specially with Rum. With a burst of almost invisible blue flames, the pie ignited and Handelolis flung it in the direction of Hagbuttus before any of the undoubtedly dastardly schemes the malisious one had in mind were sprung.
A smell of burning hair, brandy and custard rose from Hagbuttus, who turned while beating at the flames to see Spookulus just dropping the identical flaming pie that Handelolis had passed to him a moment earlier.
being the fiend that he was, he took aktion. fiendius maximus opend his trentshrobe and two huge kannons protruded out, pointing in the general direction of haggbuttus. *boom-splat* as the twenty intsh pies threw his fellow australian malk to the other side of the arena. next aim. spookulus *blat-boom* oops those where the nitroglycerine pies. heehee fiendius realises that the kompetition being down four he has become a very prominent target and moves to one side ditshing the kannons. amhorak runs to use them but they self destruct sending bits of apple crumble everywhere.
of kourse fiendius hadn't notised that haggbuttus and spookulus had already been taken kare of. "that's too bad, what a waste of amunition." kommented the kommentator.
realizing that fiendius had dangerous weapons, ravenx and boshus move around to get fiendius. he jumps to avoid the flying tsherry pies, but they knew he would and aim high. When he sees the fruit flying at him, he maneuvers himself and katshes eatsh pie, lands softly and stashes them.
At this point, movement koming out of the lokerroom katshes the judges eye. Dyer squints into the distanse, and what he sees makes his mouth hang open.
What he sees is four ghouls, struggling with a stretsher. On the stretsher, lies a *ahem* large gentleman, who kan only be Biggus Jobbus.
Biggus Jobbus waves to the krowd as he is paraded around by the ghouls, figuring that as a newbie he will need the weight of popular opinion on his side.
Handelolis sizes up the rest of the kompetition. fiendius maximus is busy trying to hide his pies, and is no worry at present. Biggus Jobbus did not appear to be any major threat. Amorak is nowhere to be seen. Boshus and RavenX are the only two kontestants who kould kurrently kause Handelolis any problems.
Now Handelolis' memory struggled to relay information to his Rum sozzled mind. Something about the Tremere Destruktion... that was it - Boshus had already showed his masterful abilities with baked goods with that fruit cake! Handelolis hoped there were no nuts in his pies!!! With fear lending swiftness, the sometime sidekik attempted to avoid the mighty Boshus and his weapons of destruktion.
Biggus Jobbus, done with his parade, begins to disembark his stretsher. The ghouls begin to remove the cloth from the stretsher, leaving a strange material attashed to both poles. This material turns out to be elastik, and the poles are inserted into the ground, about 5 feet apart.
Boshus begins to tshase the running Handelolis. RavenX in turn begins to tshase boshus. and so this little train runs about the field. Reyd looks on, drops into thought for a sekond, and then perks up. He vanishes.
*Skrreeetsh* horrible feedbak is heard over the speakers, and then kommotion. The announsers voise is heard over the P.A. system. "you kan't be here..." "wanna bet" replies Reyd. *SKRREEETSHSKREEEE...* the feedbak is suddenly kut short, and "Mrs. Train", By TMBG begins to play over the speakers. The slow yet steady tempo reverberates through the stadium, gradually piking up speed...
Reyd reappears on the field, ready to help out in whatever may need to be done.
Seeing the large pile of pies, strategikally planted on the field by Haggbuttus, Biggus Jobbus bekomes distrakted. He wanders towards the pile, muttering "mmmm....pies...." He proseeds to eat the entire pile of pies. Not seeing any other pies available at the moment, the now grossly really inkredibly really *ahem* large Biggus Jobbus makes his way bak to his elastik katapult. The tempo of "Mrs. Train" had now sped up quite a lot.
Biggus Jobbus baks up, and pulls bak and baks up some more... And then orders his ghouls to pull... and then says kalmly "lemme go."
At this sight, the train stopped running. "Mrs. Train" had nearly reatshed its klimax. The Judge and offisials held up their umbrellas, hoping for the best.
Just as the last note of Mrs. Train ekoed through the stadium, a large explosion roked it's foundation, and pie flew everywhere from haggbuttus' exploding pies whitsh had been inside of what used to be Biggus Jobbus.
The judge and offisials held onto their umbrellas.
The krowd brased themselves.
The kontestants said "uh-oh."
fiendius, kontent that his pies were hidden in his bomb shelter several miles under, did not know what was going on.
As debris fell, and debris splattered, Dyer began to kontemplate his desision.
Onse the last *glop* had been heard, the offisials ventured out from under their umbrellas.
The kontestants struggled to assemble themselves in front of the judge. Hagbuttus and Spookulus krawled forth, and lay quietly. Amorak had been konvieniently piled near the stand by one of Reyd's klones. RavenX, Boshus and Handelolis, trudged akross the field towards the judge. at about this time fienius took it upon himself to return. he noted the odd amount of reddish pie lying around the stadium.
"Let me see..." started Dyer.
"The gold goes to Biggus Jobbus. He was not hit by a single pie, and he
managed to hit every kontestant but one, and all of the offisials, and
everyone in the stadium."
The Infamous BS held up the medal, but unsure of who to give it to, he
threw it onto the ground.
"The silver goes to fiendius. He inkapasitated two of the most dangerous
opponents, did not get hit by any pies, and has the only two pies whitsh
survived this entire event."
The Infamous BS walked towards the relatively klean fiendius, and as
he was about to hand him the medal, he stopped. BS then looked down, and
then pushed fiendius into the large pile of bile and pie whitsh was
konvieniently behind him. BS then threw the medal onte fiendius' stomak.
Dyer narrowed his eyes and looked at The Infamous BS.
"And the bronze goes to Handelolis. He also hit and injured two of the
greatest threats. and he was only hit by one, albeit large, pie."
The Infamous BS walked to Handelolis, shook his hand, and plased the
prize around his nek.