JUDGE: Hagbuttus Malicius
CONTESTANTS!!!!!
Alikclyes
Greyus Wolfus
Ashus
MonkiusBoius
Master Bunniculus
Crisis
fiendius maximus
PaisleyLemmium
Andycles Langicus
Spookulus
"Greetings Foolish Kindred, Welcone to Event #12 in the
Parrlympics; Reality Juggling. Contestants have been paired
off for the initial heats, and the procession will be as
follows.
Alikclyes vs. Crisis
Spookulus vs. PaisleyLemmium
Andycles Langicus vs. Master Bunniculus
MonkiusBoius vs. Cynicus RevOmnius
Greyus Wolfus vs. Fiendius Maximus
And Ashus vs. I'm sorry, late breaking news,
Apparently Ashus has been disqualified by the Judge:Hagbuttus
Malicius, due to Hagbuttus Malicius:
[X] feeling like it
[X] Other: Ashus not sending anything in.
HEAT 1: Alikclyes vs. Crisis
Crisis comes onto the playing field with his deck of
Malk Tarot Cards and a particularly determined expression on
his face. From his pocket, he drew a small pink globe, which
he then proceeded to juggle. Alikclyes was slowly gaining
ground on Crisis, as his overtures to the effect that Crisis
was, in fact, a small pink lizard named Fred, gradually took
over his brain. So Fred retired from juggling and proceeded
to lay in the sun catching some rays. Alikclyes gave a token
juggle and was awarded the points by default.
HEAT 2: Spookulus vs. PaisleyLemmium
This was really a non-event, as Spookulus had used
some nefarious means to make sure that PaisleyLemmium was
absent for the beginning of the event. The points were
releuctantly awarded to Spookulus
HEAT 3: Andycles Langicus vs. Master Bunniculus
This event was clearly dominated by the Andycles,
as Master Bunniculus was still suffering from Alikclyes
pink lizardry, and as such, was unmotivated to compete.
However, Andycles juggled competently, to the point of
adding 2 bowling pins and a beef tongue to the mix. The
Judge would like to make it known that he does not approve
of these flashy modern techniques.
HEAT 4: MonkiusBoius vs. Cynicus RevOmnius
Strangely enough, this event was particularly funny,
as both of the competitors sent proxies to fight for them,
and while witnessing Papa Smurf and King Kong juggling
realities was quite amusing, I decided to disqualify both
parties for wasting my time. As a replacement in the
Semi-finals, we have the winner of the next heat.
HEAT 5: Greyus Wolfus vs. Fiendius Maximus
Expected by many to be a non-event, Fiendius pulled
out all the stops in this amazing Juggle to the finish.
Greyus Wolfus had the right to the first choice of Juggles
and nominated ripe peaches, whilst Fiendius decided to
juggle Metaphysics. Whilst this is technically legal, the
small audience there found it amusing all the same as
Greyus Wolfus was distracted by falling snapping
turtlesdiving for peaches when he juggled them. A good
time was had by all. Winner: Fiendius Maximus
SEMIFINAL 1: Alikclyes vs. Spookulus
From the start, we all knew this would be a fight to
the finish, and it was widely expected to be better than
the final. From the beginning they both were using dirty
tricks. First on the podium was Alikclyes.
Alikclyes proposed that as a small rodent could
bite a Toreador, it obviously showed previously unknown
signs of intelligence. (The rodent, not the Toreador,
everyone knows that they're stupid). He then caused a large
explosion, blowing things up before the official event and
conclded that all that exists is contradictory and cannot
possibly be. Under normal circumstances, reality would have
imploded, except at that moment, by means of Spookulus'
dark magics, Barney the purple dinsaur appeared and started
singing, which unfortunately, ruined the force of ALikclyes
logics.
For his speech, Spookulus decided to sing "You are
my sunshine" and the judge was inclined to favour that
style of argument, so all points were awarded to Spookulus
for his stirring rendition.
SEMIFINAL 2: Andycles Langicus vs. Fiendius Maximus
Unfortunately, I missed this event as I was called
upon to deal with a distrubance in the lockerrooms where a
fight had broken out between Spookulus and Papa Smurf as to
who was the best magician.
-hagbutt
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