Contestants:
Hagbuttus Malicius
Greyus Wolfus
Marcus
fiendius maximus
Spitzandalexus
ME
Judged by the most Heroic HercuBadger.
It was a gloriously sunny day set aside for the shiny dash. The sun was beating down making all things shiny, even somethings not known for being shiny eg rock. Much Lira was changing hands on the outcome of this eagerly contested event. The prime quality of the contestants is only out done by the sheer variety of the contestants. On the start line can be found a two headed dog, a small teenaged woman looking timidly around her, an over haired gentleman, a moral free zone of a person and a giant smudge of something pink and fluffy. It seems one contestant was disqualified for illegal drug taking (tea) and not telling a certain judge anything about themselves.
The contestants were srteching, leering and pestering themselves and indeed each other before the race starting time. At last with a mighty fanfare involving no less then an entire brass band HercuBadger made his enterance. He arrived riding a coffee coloured chariot which was being pulled by none other then Handelolis.
"fiends, malkavians, countrymen/women/individuals, lend me your beers. Today is a great day in the annals of time. We select few will finally decide for once and for all who is fleetest of foot in the name of shiny collection. To the winner shall I give my congratulations and for the losers I promise none other then ridicule, mocking and generally a pretty bad time of it. I wish you all luck and I remind you that it's not to late to pull out with no lose of face or honour, we'll just keep calling you a big girls' blouse behind your back from now on. No takers, so be it. Let the race begin!" Shouted HercuBadger.
HercuBadger reached down and withdrew a long pole with a bottle of Rum hanging from the end of it. This pole was used to move the bottle to be just out of arms reach of Handelolis. Upon sighting the Rum Handelolis did cry "Rummmmmm, obsidian liquid of delight...." and did stagger forward in a vain attempt to reach the prize. As he moved forward so did the chariot behind him. Before long HercuBadger was moving forward at a brisk pace all due to the attempts of his stunted sidekick. Once they passed galloping speed the great hero that is HercuBadger reached out and threw out three medals which were tied to the back of the chariot by silver twine. As the medals hit the ground and bounce in the sunlight the race truely began.
"OOHHH SHINIES!!!!!!" Was heard by one and all of the contestants. ME was first off the line with arms out streched in front of her. She took three steps before falling flat on her face, a victim of an evil sandle-lace tying. Of all the contestants only Hagbuttus Malicius and Spitzandalexus made it off the line. As Spitzandalexus doesn't wear sandles the guilty party for the horrific tying together plan must be the one and fluffy Hagbuttus Malicius. The crowd did boo must horribly at this show of bad sportsmanship. Hagbuttus Malicius was pelted by empty beer cans and fruit from the terrances.
After removing his sandles Greyus Wolfus slowly change form into that of a giant wolf. The crowd 'ooohed and aaahhhed' at this specticle. More Lira changed hands as contestants moved into two separate groups. Greyus Wolfus took off at a speed only a giant wolf could maintain while the rest of the pack sorted out the sandle-lace problem. Finally they all were running toward the distant prize of shinies.
HercuBadger takes up the communtary.
"And they're off with Hagbuttus in the lead with Spitzandalexus close behind. Third is GW with ME trailing by a nose. Pulling up the rear is fiendius which is worrying some of the other contestants. At the first turn we have Hagbuttus in the lead and he's kicking sand into the eye's of Spitzandalexus, all four of them. What an underhand play by the man in pink! He's lost valuable seconds on the others but Spitzandalexus is definatly slowing down. GW is gaining on Hagbuttus slowly but surely and we have ME in fourth with fiendius taking up the rear. At the 250 metre mark we have GW passing Spitzandalexus, they seem to be growling at each other and yes it seems Spitzandalexus is slowing down. He's definatly slowing down and now he has stopped. He's just laying there on the ground. ME has reached him and is giving him a pat. What a cunning move by GW, using the cuteness factor on his closest rival ME. What a show of self sacrifice by the two headed humanitarian we have just seen. Hagbuttus and GW have gained valuable seconds as ME has stopped to give Spitzandalexus a belly rub. As the leaders reach the half was mark we have Hagbuttus leading the pack, closely followed by GW, fiendius is third, ME is forth and Splitzandalexus has pulled out of the race due to some strange signal from a togaed man in the crowd. Could this be some plan between the strange man in the crowd and Hagbuttus? Who knows. Back at the leaders we have a fight between first and second. GW has biten Hagbuttus and they've both gone down on the ground. All we can see is teeth, claws and pink fuzz everywhere. What a fight we have on our hands here ladies and gentlemen. With the two leaders going at it like children it's given fiendius and ME a chance to close the lead. As GW and Hagbuttus gtet up all four are neck and neck. As we go through the 750 metre mark the crowd is going wild. Ladies and gentlemen our greatest concern now is whether Handelolis can keep up the pace. The chariot is slowing down as the out of shape side kick is just about to spit the dummy. The only thing I can do is put another bottle of Rum on the pole. Yes, it seems to be working. The idea of two bottles is bring on his second wind. The chariot is now going faster then before. As we reach the final straight it's neck and neck. Hagbuttus seems to be going through some form of transformations. Yes it seems he's turning into a Gingerbread man! For what ever reason I don't know but he is drawing a head of the others. At the same time fiendius is slowing down until he's behind ME and now holding his distance. Seems he's mutch happier watch a rear view of her then winning the race and who can blame him. As we reach the final stages it's GW and Hagbuttus neck and neck, but wait! That strange togaed man in the crowd has thrown something to Hagbuttus, Hagbuttus has cought it and as we go to the finish we have the track supervisor a R.O. providing the Auspex finish. They're neck and neck as it goes to the line and it's all over! We'll just have to wait for the Rev to give us the final placeings. The hands gone up, it's...it's...it's Hagbuttus by a nose! We don't know who's nose as it was provided by Spookulus but it is indeed a nose!" Shouted HercuBadger.
The final placings are a Gold for Hagbuttus, a Silver for Greyus Wolfus and a Bronze for ME. The real winner is Greyus Wolfus as a silver is much shinner then gold any day. The chairmans award for outragous perving goes to fiendius and the spot prize of two bottles of Rum go to Handelolis.
Nothing shiny was injured during the making of this episode.