Judge:
Handelolis
Contestants:
Teoronius
Spookulus
Amhorach
fiendius maximus
Alikclyes
Extra Rules:
Make sure it's a Parr _clone_ and not the real
thing.
Only one clone per participant.
fiendishness (who me? looking at anyone?) to Parr
clones is not acceptable behaviour.
Despite being something of a mess from the previous events held there, the playing field still shone with the inestimable glory of the Games. A place where... umm... beings strived for excellence in their particular areas of endeavour. Or something like that. Handelolis was looking a bit lopsided himself, so perhaps that added to his skewed view at this time.
Straightening up a bit, he lent heavily upon his judge's podium and called fiendius maximus forth to begin the Parr clone hurling.
"hurling? hmmmmm," thought fiendius. he knew of two definitions for that one word and decided to go with both. he picked up his parr clone (that he had pre-tested out back to make sure it wasn't the real parr..... he didn't get slapped when he said..... ah never mind.) and swallowed her whole. then he turned to the iced field before him.
There was some dissent at this sudden appearence of frozen ice as the other competitors found themselves ankle deep and had to break their way out of it. The most unlucky one was trapped in a pit in the field left over from the burning things down event and even now scrabbled pitifully against the ice, his mewling screams blocked by the covering. A quick Scotch on the rocks to the judge quieted any problems with this, however.
tickling the back of his throat, fiendius hurled up the parr clone, which went sliding down the ice strip to stop right near a small white pucky hockey thing. a quick measure. one third of an inch from the target.
Not to be outdone, Amhorach picked up his Parr clone and ate it also. However, he did not swallow it whole, but devoured it in a truely gruesome display, forcing himself to keep the mess down for the time being. Once he finished removing all the clone from sight it reappeared as a bloody spray of flesh and bone, which covered the entire ice field with a thin film of red arbitrarily spotted with chunky bits.
Several spectators were sick in sympathy. A two headed dog stopped whimpering at something beneath the ice, picked up a couple of bones and left the field. Everybody else looked at Amhorach, aghast.
The Celtic Malk simply wiped his face and moved aside for the next competitor.
Alikclyes carefully arranged a large pile of soft and fluffy things in the center of the stadium, and set a newbie right on top. Within seconds, there came the sound of pounding feet and a Parr clone ran up, jumped on the newbie,and then fell asleep on the fluffy pile.
Alikclyes sent the newbie off, then quickly tied up the clone so she couldn't escape. He set her in the bowl of the same catapult recently used to launch Toreador. The pile of fluffy things was put at one end of the field, and the clone at the other. When Alikclyes cut the catapult rope, the clone went flying into the air, and with perfect accuracy homed in on the pile of wonderful soft things, which skidded along the ice leaving a clean line in the disgusting mess that covered the ice. There was an explosion of fluff as she hit, but when it cleared the clone was seen asleep and unharmed in what little remained of the pile. Not having allowed for the ice well enough, Alikclyes sighed as he saw his Parr clone slide to a halt a foot from the mark.
"Umm. Okay, thanks Alikclyes ," said Handelolis. The judge was looking rather askance at the catapult, perhaps remembering its involvement in the destruction of several crates of Rum that he'd been working his way through.
"Hmm. Since Spookulus seems not to have deigned to compete in this event, _despite_ entering for it, I will do the judging now."
Extremely muffled curses came from below the ice.
"Teo, I'm afraid that you were furthest from the mark - a definite problem with competing in those four events at once. Sorry about that. Alikclyes gains the bronze for his hurl, fiendius the silver for being the second closest and Amhorach wins the gold, for actually hurling a part of his Parr clone onto the mark itself. Good show."
As Handelolis put the medals around the necks of the three athletes, there was a continued muffled thumping, but this was unheard due to the loud sobbing from Amhorach as he finally recieved what he had strived so long for - the gold medal. With tears rolling down his cheeks, the big Irishman stood with his hand clasped to his heart as his anthem played. A truly once in an unlifetime moment, and what the Games are all about.