Judge: Teoronius
Contestants:
Marcus
Hagbuttus Malicius
Andycles Langicus
Tepestuous
Lenny
Ashus
Crisis (Moving countries - won't
be able to write)
fiendius maximus
Alikclyes
fiendius maximus stood on a hill with a blast-crater on it and looked out over Tremeropolis. He thought of a ravnos he could get to sell it off to tourists as condo's. He thought of the many pranks he had pulled before and thought for a bit. after a while it began to hurt and he stood up to walk down to the stadium. As he looked down the slope one of his eyebrows arched in mild surprise. The stadium was gone.
In it's place was only a barren piece of land crisscrossed with the tracks of quite anachronistic machinery. In the middle of this bulldozer-ravaged wasteland he could see a small group of figures arguing heatedly. As he came closer he could make out words..
"OK!! Now I want to know who stole the stadium or someone's going to be
sorry.", Hagbuttus voice was on the verge of cracking with exitement and
anger. The other people gathered made no reply or if they did it was very
rude indeed. Tepestuous got out a stake from somewhere in his robes and
started eying Hagbutts chest speculatively.
"RIGHT!!! Don't say I didn't warn you!!", Hagbuttus eyed the group to
pick whomever pissed him off the most. Unfortunately Tepestuous chose
this moment to aim for Hagbuttus with his stake. Hagbuttus took offense
and promptly banished him to Narnia.
"Now, is there anyone who would like to speak up about this
stadium-thing. Answer or I'll spin your heads."
fiendius walked up to the group rapidly counting heads. "Calm down
Hagbuttus.", he said. "obviously somebody moved it and that somebody is now
at the stadium laughing his arse off at us. who among the prankery
contestants aren't here?"
"Well Tepestuous isn't.", somebody ventured..
"anyone else?"
"Well... Crisis, but he sent a note saying he wouldn't compete. Then
there is Alikclyes and... "
"the judge.", fiendius finished. Briefly he wondered if the judge had
belatedly entered himself into the event. "Has anybody seen any of them
tonight?"
"I saw Teoronius and Alikclyes walking off towards the princes estate an
hour ago.", Lenny said.
"You couldn't have said that sooner?", Hagbuttus roared at Lenny and
then stormed off towards the princes home. The others followed behind.
At the stadium Teoronius stands on a small podium, behind him stands a
piedestal on which there is a statue of the judge in a heroic posture
brandishing a crossbow with a stake for an arrow. Before the podium stands
Alikclyes obviously waiting for something.
Teoronius looks around.. "Since you seem to be the only contestant it seems
I have no choice but to announce you the winner of the gold, silver and...."
"Stop!!", Hagbuttus shouts as he burst into the stadium, now located on
the princes front-lawn. He is shortly followed by the rest of the
contestants.
"The event isn't over till Hagbuttus has his turn."
"Ok, Hagbuttus.", Teoronius answers calmly, "Have your turn."
Hagbuttus nods, walks up to fiendius maximus and very violently taps him on the shoulder. As fiendius turns to look Hagbuttus shoves a grey baloony object down his throat while he is distracted by three turtledoves *very* slowly flying towards the sky. The object is quicly inflated (and fiendius with it) and turns out to be a zeppelin. Hagbuttus, realising he has no time to loose quickly attaches two french horns to the lip of the zeppelin and all enjoy the musical performance fiendius unwillingly displays.
Teoronius appears to be amused by this and, encouraged, Hagbuttus continues with his next prank.
While the last notes of the french horn concerto rings out he grabs Alikclyes and runs out of the stadium with him. When he gets to the top of a hill he dunks Alikclyes in sour yoghurt. Then, while Alikclyes is still in a confused stupor, Hagbuttus pours out 600 packets of maltesers and pour the chocolate treats on the hillside before he finally rolls Alikclyes down the hill. As Alikclyes get up, covered in candy and yoghurt Hagbuttus finishes of by sprinkling a pinch of salt on him. Alikclyes runs off screaming, followed by half of the starved audience (the vendors couldn't find the stadium)who have spied a snack.
Strangely Teoronius is less amused by this prank and calls for the next contestant.
Lenny walks out of the stadium and returns with a cage on wheels. The
audience (what's left of it) gasps as they spy the contents of the cart.
It's a pack of garou, eight of them in fact. Lenny picks up some pies he
brought with him, backs away and calls out for the cage to be opened. Nobody
moves.
Lenny once again shouts for the cage to be opened.
Nobody does.
Finally Teoronius is forced to order Andycles to open the cage. Nervously Andycles walks towards the cage and flings open the door. Lenny starts pelting the garou with the pies and many in the audience and among the contestants shake their heads at what can only be called an act of senseless stupidity. But something strange is going on. The pies stick to the werewolves fur and yelps of pain are starting to be heard among them. Teoronius jumps off the podium and examines one of the pies Lenny has not yet thrown. Smiling wickedly he calls out that they are crazy glue-pies in silver pie-tins. The audience applauds with gusto. The wounded Garou run out of the stadium in severe pain. After everyone has settled down, Lenny goes away from the events saying something about hiding from Orlando or something similar.
Teoronius calls for Andycles as the next contestant, but he seems to just be lying next to the cage with clawmarks all over his body so the next contestant is called. It is fiendius.
"OK, fiendius, show us what you've got."
fiendius looks up at the judge, "it's allready done.", he says.
"Well, what is it?"
"ah, you'll find out later."
Teoronius shrugs and calls out for the next contestant.
Alikclyes comes into the stadium obviously exhausted by the run. Somewhere along the way he managed to get rid of his delicious outer cover. The dampness of his clothes suggest he jumped in the princes swimming pool.
Teoronius looks at him expectantly, once he gets his breath back. Alikclyes looks around wildly, as though uncertain what to do. For a few seconds he just stands there, then he disappears in terror and embarrasment. Teoronius shrugs once more and calls the next contestant.
Marcus walks into the middle of the stadium and says:
"My prank has allready been completed. I replaced Hercubadgers coffe
with decaf."
Teoronius winces at the idea, "What proof have you of this?"
Far, far away an unearthly scream can be heard as if some ungodly animal
was in shock, pain and enraged at the same time.
"Never mind.", Teoronius says with a smile, "I believe you."
Teoronius looks around for Ashus for the next prank but is surprised when Ashus is discovered lying maimed and in torpor in the cart. Apparently he tried to visit the garou when they were in captivity.
When Andycles and Ashus have been carted off by their ghouls, the contestants gather for the awards. Teoronius looks over the motley crowd of Malks.
"The gold goes to Alikclyes, because I was amused, the silver to..." He gets no further because while he is talking fiendius, who is standing apart from the rest, reaches into his trenchrobe and pushes a button. Then he picks up a remote control device and flicks a switch. Unexpectedly the goldmedal Teoronius holds in his right hand (since Alikclyes disappeared) goes of in a spray of custard on all the contestants and the judge. The crowd goes wild.
Teoronius turns to fiendius, "Very amusing, but the gold still goes to..
Ahhg" A stake pokes out of Teoronius chest and he slumps to the floor.
The statue of Teoronius jumps off the piedestal and shakes off the flour
he's covered in. The crowd gasps. Two Teoronius's??!!
The standing Teoronius discards his crossbow and looks down on his
fallen counterpart.
"Nice try, Alikclyes", he says, "But just because I'm an anarch doesn't
mean I have no ghouls. They pulled out the stake and I had plenty of time
to find where you had moved the stadium."
Teoronius turns to the audience and the contestants while pulling out
three spraycans from his robes, one gold, one silver and one bronze. "Now
for the real awarding."
"The gold goes to... Alikclyes, because actually, I *was* amused.",
Teoronius bends down and spraypaints a goldmedal on the fleshcrafted
Alikclyes chest.
"The silver goes to Marcus for a very daring and dangerous prank.",
Marcus gets a big silvermedal painted on his chest, "Now I suggest you
run very far, very fast before Hercubadger puts two and two together and
heads this way."
Marcus, seemingly brave, stands his ground and begins to sprinkle
decaffeinated Folger's crystals around him. When he shakes the last few
crystals of quasi-coffee out of the jar, it is seen that he stands within a
pentacle of the foulness. Confident in his safety from the maniacal
Hercubadger, he sticks out his tongue and goes "ttthhhhhpppppttttttt-icus"
at the furry, overmuscled monstrosity.
All of this would have been fine, had not the wind blown the crystals
away. The rest of the story, well, it isn't pretty. Not at all. Eww.
That had to hurt. It did. When...does the hurting...stop...
"The bronze goes to fiendius for a stylishly executed prank.", another
medal, this time the bronze, is painted on fiendius.
"That's all folks. Now I believe I have one or two events to compete in
myself."